It was a story for the ages.

In Penn State football’s scrimmage against Anchorage Alaska on Monday, nothing was ever going to go well. It went as poorly as one could imagine for starting quarterback Drew Allar, who contracted frostbite midway through the contest.

Allar wasn’t as involved in the contest as he may have liked to have been, throwing only 12 times while on the field in a run-heavy offense. It was Allar’s first time playing under new offensive coordinator Andy Kotelnicki, but he wasn’t given many opportunities to shine in his debut under the new-look offense.

Instead, once Allar left the game, the baton fell to backup quarterback Beau Pribula, who proved his worth on the field both as a Kotelnicki quarterback and as a mobile passer adept to moving in white-out conditions — even if those conditions were based on weather, not the garb of the few fans in attendance.

Pribula took snaps during the second half, passing the ball only four times. However, his true value came in the run game as he racked up nearly 200 rushing yards paired with two touchdowns.

The shifty Pribula was too much for the Alaskans as he danced and darted around defenders with ease. Pribula’s efforts were aided by the white jerseys Penn State wore, and his jersey and pale white skin blended in easily with the snow around him.

“I just felt that this was my game,” Pribula said postgame. “As a Penn State fan my whole life, I knew I was made to play in White Out conditions. I just didn’t know I was meant to play in these white-out conditions.”

Pribula’s performance also earned the adoration of the coaching staff. While James Franklin refused to comment on the status of Allar postgame, citing that he would only comment if the rising junior was done for the season, he did offer insight on Pribula’s performance.

“I thought Beau looked the part today,” Franklin said. “Certainly, the starting spot is Drew’s, but we have competition at every position. But the starting spot is Drew’s.”

Another Penn State coach, who spoke only to Onward State and asked to be referred to as “Dandy Cotelnicki with a ‘C'” to protect his identity with the team, said Pribula may give Allar a run for his money during spring and summer practices.

“If it was my call, Beau would be the starter yesterday. However, I answer to the powers that be,” Cotelnicki with a C said. “I was told that I was the head coach of the offense but clearly that’s not the case if this Drew kid is going to start against West Virginia.”

Pribula’s performance certainly raised eyebrows about the future of Penn State. While Franklin seemed unwilling to budge, Pribula seemed to think he could work his way into more game time in 2024.

“This is my job,” Pribula said. “I understand Drew is the ‘chosen one’ or whatever, but this is my job. The guy’s from Medina. I’m from Pennsylvania. This is my job. This is my job. This is my job. This is my job.”

Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools’ Day series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.