The world found out on February 25 that Penn State was going to close certain Commonwealth Campuses.

I, however, knew days in advance that the move was coming. I knew this because Neeli Bendapudi, Penn State’s president, added me to a group chat detailing her adminstration’s plans to shut down the Commonwealth Campuses.

I was added to a group chat on Signal — an online messaging app — with Bendapudi, Vice President for Commonwealth Campuses Margo DelliCarpini, and interim Provost Tracy Langkilde. The three discussed how best to shut down the campuses while avoiding a total public outcry.

That didn’t necessarily work.

I won’t dive into the details of what they talked about because you can view it for yourself. Here are the screenshots of that conversation with Bendapudi, DelliCarpini, and Langkilde.

Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools’ Day series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.