“FEAR” by Kendrick Lamar is one of my favorite songs of all time. In the song, Kendrick breaks down what he feared at three different ages: 7, 17, and 27. It’s such an incredible showcase of storytelling, and I’ve decided to take inspiration from the song to write my senior column. 

My college experience is hard for me to describe within the confines of an Onward State article, so the best way to tell my story is through three dates and times that have been pivotal to my Penn State journey. So, without further ado, here is my senior column.  

Date No. 1: April 14, 2021

To make sense of this date, we actually have to travel back a bit further. Two weeks earlier, I had gotten accepted into New York University (NYU), and I was dead set on going. My best friend also got accepted, it was in my home state, and NYU was (and still is) one of the most prestigious creative schools in the world.

I still remember getting calls from my cousins congratulating me on the acceptance because my mom told everyone she could. However, while all of that remained true, NYU did not offer me a full scholarship, and half of a tuition bill at NYU is similar to a full-priced tuition bill at other places. My father always preached the importance of working hard in high school so that I could pay my way through college, and I wanted to accomplish that goal for both him and me. 

So, I decided to do what any reasonable person would do and called the financial aid office to see if there was anything they’d be able to do. The only sound that I received was a dial tone, as no one from their office picked up. After facing that reality, I was considering whether to accept NYU’s offer or to look at other places, and that’s when I saw that I had one school that I hadn’t applied to yet: Penn State.

At the time, colleges were doing test-optional admissions, and I had initially disregarded Penn State because I was too lazy to submit my test scores. So I went into the system, changed my application to “send without test scores,” and moved on with my day. 

On April 14, I got an email from Emily Clevenger, the manager of recruitment for the Penn State College of Communications. The subject line read: “Let’s Talk about YOU at Penn State.” She wanted to set up a Zoom call with me, and I was more than happy to chat with someone who reached out to me personally. In that Zoom call, that’s where I also met Gary Abdullah, the assistant dean for diversity, equity, and inclusion within the College of Communications.

During that call, Gary and Emily made me feel seen and heard in a way that no other school had before. They told me about the great opportunities that Penn State had for me, and by the end of the call, they offered me a full-ride scholarship. From that Zoom call, I knew that Penn State was where I needed to be.

If I came to Penn State, I knew that I wouldn’t be a number on an admissions list but rather a student who would be taken care of by faculty who would know my name. I accepted the offer without taking a visit or any of the typical recruitment events that a high school senior would partake in. From that day forward, Penn State would be the place that I’d call home for the next four years. 

Date No. 2: August 10, 2022

It was nearing the end of summer, going into my sophomore year. I was in Brooklyn Bridge Park, and while I was waiting for my friend, I decided to make a decision that I’d been thinking about for months: I created an Instagram page for my photography.

When I came to Penn State, I initially only focused on my film production major, but midway through my freshman year, I had a heavy desire to get into photography as well. Before I came to Penn State, my high school teacher would always tell me that college is a place where you can be whoever you want to be because you’re free from the preconceived notions that your childhood friends and family may have of you.

In my mind, I questioned whether or not I would be taken seriously as a photographer because to everyone else, that wasn’t who I was. But on that fateful day, I decided to get out of my head and make my account. On that day, the Dillon Styles moniker was born. 

Now that we’re almost three years removed from that fateful day, I can’t believe where photography has taken me in such a short amount of time. I’ve been blessed to photograph some of the biggest artists in the world, multiple Penn State Athletics events, and some creative shoots that I’m so proud of.

I think what’s taken me most by surprise is the reputation that I’ve gained amongst my peers. It’s gotten to the point where some people don’t even know that I’m a film production major, and they just know me as a photographer. I take that as a compliment, and it’s just a testament to the hard work that I’ve done to improve. 

A huge part of my development as a photographer has been the belief that other people have in me. It’s easy to see me in these positions as lead photographer of Movin’ On or as a student executive of CommAgency’s Photo Department, and assume that I’ve had it all figured out from the jump. But before I was a leader, I was a learner, and I still always strive to be that way. I learned from people who were more experienced than me, and I always try to repay the people who believed in me from the jump.

Which brings me to Onward State. I owe so much to Onward State because the people within Onward State believed in me wholeheartedly. Before you see the pictures of GloRilla or Lil Yachty on my Instagram, I see the belief that Mikey DeAngelis, Hailey Stutzman, and Joe Lister have in me to get the job done. That trio has trusted me with concerts, big Penn State Athletics games, and so much more that I can’t even begin to fathom. To the three of you guys, thank you for trusting me, and I hope that I’ve made you guys proud.

To the first managing editor I ever had, Keeley Lamm, thank you so much for accepting me into this wonderful organization. I tell you this all the time, but you’ve introduced me to a family, and for that, I’m forever grateful. Finally, to all of the members of OS, thank you for being such incredible people, and I’m happy to call you my friends. We truly are the best team around, and I love y’all. 

When I came into Onward State, y’all just knew Dillon Styles. I’m happy to say that when I’m leaving, y’all are getting to know Dillon Williams. 

Date No. 3: May 10, 2025

The final date of my article is one that hasn’t happened yet. May 10, 2025, will be the day that I graduate from Penn State University with my bachelor’s degree in film production. As I type this out now, I still can’t believe that sentence is true. 

As I inch towards the end of my Penn State journey, I can’t help but think of the version of myself that came into the school. I hadn’t started my photography journey yet, my hair was a lot longer than it is now, and I was a lot more unsure of myself. Fast forward to today, and my journey has been so rewarding.

I’ve met so many amazing people, been involved in plenty of wonderful organizations, and just had a great time in my four years. From directing my own documentaries to traveling the world and getting to have fun doing what I love, Penn State has allowed me to do everything under the sun.

Coming to Penn State was a leap of faith, and I’m happy to say that I stuck the landing. To close out, there are so many people that I want to thank.

Starting with my family, thank you so much to my Mom, my Dad, and my brother Shawn. I left home to chase a dream, and you guys have been so supportive of me every step of the way. My mom always tells me that I should pursue my education for myself and nobody else, but in my heart, this degree is as much theirs as it is mine.

To my best friends from home, Justin and Tayla, I love both of you so much. I’ve had to sacrifice many nights where we could’ve talked or played video games, and yet y’all are still here by my side. Now that I’m coming home, it’s time to catch up on all the fun we’ve missed.

To Lalih (pronounced Layla), my girlfriend of six years (it’ll be seven in a week), you’re the love of my life. We’ve graduated from high school together, and I’m proud to say that we’re graduating from college together, as well. A lot of things have changed in my life in seven years, and yet you’ve always been the constant. In my eyes, you’ll always continue to be, and I can’t wait to continue writing different chapters in our love story. 

Finally, there’s one more person that I want to dedicate my entire journey to: my brother Phil. My brother Phil passed away at age 20 due to a car accident. I was 10 years old at the time, and one of the saddest facts I have to cope with in life is that he never got to see me graduate. 

He passed away before my elementary school graduation, and every time that this season comes around, I get a bit emotional about it. I know that he’d be so proud of me and hype me up in a way that only he knew how. Ultimately, I’m still that little kid that he’d pick up from baseball practice, but now that kid is getting a college diploma. So, to Phil, this one, and every single one, is for you.

My last piece of advice for anyone going through college is to be like this article and be inspired by fear. The best things in life are on the opposite side of fear, and once you learn to love the emotion, your dreams won’t seem as far away anymore.

Thank you, blog.