Penn State football is back, folks, but one of our staffers was not as ready to be back in Beaver as they thought they were. Between crowd crush at the gates, a surly security guard, and wristband problems, take the following story as a warning of what a nightmarish gameday could look like if you aren’t careful.

Editor’s Note: The following column was submitted by an Onward State staff member. The identity of this staffer has been kept anonymous.

When I arrived at the tailgate fields, I was filled with anticipation and excitement for the long day ahead. The sun was shining, drinks were flowing in abundance, and all my friends and I had season tickets, so I wasn’t going to have to wrestle anyone into the student section illegally.

We headed over to the student section gate around 3 p.m., assuming that would be enough time to get to our seats before kickoff. I downed a few shots before entering the line to make sure my buzz would last me through the game. Rookie mistake.

The line to get in was essentially a mosh pit of fans as far as the eye could see. The crowd engulfed me immediately, and I turned on autopilot mode, letting myself get pushed up to the front by the masses.

I hadn’t anticipated the hour-long process it was going to take to get into the stadium, so the aforementioned shots began kicking in right as I neared security, not after I made my way to my seat like I intended.

Now, I know it is security’s job to keep us students safe, but it has been my experience that they normally turn a blind eye to intoxication levels as students enter. It was the first game back after all, what did they really expect from me?

One particular guard took notice of my lifeless body drifting through the crowd and began peppering me with questions. “Where is your ID?” “How many drinks have you had?” “What is your PSU ID number?” I couldn’t even answer that last one sober.

My inability to answer their questions prompted the guard to start screaming at all my friends and everyone else trying to enter the facility.

“She’s too intoxicated to enter!” “She can’t be allowed in!”

I looked around, certain it wasn’t me they were talking about. Aren’t we all too drunk to enter?

She then began asking me to write down my information to inform the university, and worst of all, my parents. While I realize now my mom and dad were never going to hear a word about this from this unnamed guard, drunk me was convinced I was done for, and I started getting emotional.

Despite her accusations and the scene that went down, somehow I was allowed through the gates. The game was well under way and the finger wagging I received had me riled up, but I was still dead set on seeing us crush Nevada.

I finally made it to my section and began walking in when I felt arms on me from, you guessed it, more security. I wondered what they wanted now.

I nonverbally began showing them my ticket on my phone, but that wasn’t enough for them, and they lifted both my wrists to show that I didn’t have a wristband on. This was the first time I realized this. The security guard at the gate deemed I was too drunk to go in, but let me enter anyway, just without the most important thing I needed to actually watch the game.

My friend started fighting with the guard, and I continued holding up my ticket to them, but they claimed I must have been a problem at the gate if I hadn’t been given a wristband. I tried to tell them I wasn’t even drunk, and they literally let out a giggle at my expense. They asked me to leave and asked if I needed help getting home. The drama was unbelievable.

I could see the tops of the stands and hear the roar of the lion as I was forced back down the concourse. So close, but yet so far.

My family texted me feverishly asking me how it went. I chose not to let them know I hadn’t seen a single snap of them game. “We were gonna watch it on TV, but we missed the whole thing.” Me too, Dad.

So while I may have missed the entirety of the first game back, there’s always next time! I’ll be choosing to forget this one ever happened. We’re still 0-0 in my book. Enjoy the season, folks, and don’t forget to mix in some water next weekend!