For the thousands upon thousands of people in attendance at THON 2026, the bathroom is bound to have millions of visits over the 46 hour dance marathon. With that many visits, the bathrooms have gotten nastier and nastier.

That’s just the reality of bathrooms, but there’s a point where it becomes impossible to ignore, and I believe we’ve gone far past that. Every time I make a bathroom break I’m simply amazed by what I find. It defies reason. The sinks are covered in water, like every person who used them had a little water fight just for funsies. There are wet paper towels carpeting the floor, saturated with a mixture of urine, water, and spilled drinks. There’s hair covering the visible parts of the ground — hair? And, of course, the urinals are filled with a few tins worth of Zyns each. I even found a paper towel in one of the urinals. Make it make sense, please.

Every time I step into the bathroom I need to mentally prepare myself for what I might find. I haven’t even talked about the 50 people packed in waiting for the stall, but that’s a topic for a different article. I can proudly say that I have contributed absolutely nothing to this horror of humanity.

My question is: why? How did a paper towel get into a urinal? Why do Zyns end up in the urinal, when we all know there’s like four trash cans in there waiting to be used? Do we really want to wade through spilled water every time we take a pee break?

Stay clean, people. Cleanliness is next to godliness, or so I’m told.