There are few things better than a championship parade, folks.

The pinnacle of what you would want to see from the energy of a city after a championship was shown on Thursday in New York, when the New York Knicks marched down the Canyon of Heroes. The one-mile track in downtown Manhattan that goes from the southern tip of the island to City Hall culminated in the team receiving “Keys to the City” from the mayor.

An estimated two million fans packed into that narrow strip, with countless others turned away due to limited space. Seeing that got us thinking: what would such a parade look like at Penn State, specifically if the football team won the college football national championship?

Does that seem a bit far-fetched, given the state of the game and the team’s major transition to the Matt Campbell era? Sure, but if the Knicks can break a 53-year drought, Penn State can break a 44-year drought soon enough.

We don’t have a Canyon of Heroes of our own, so let’s make one. Here’s a mockup of what a Penn State football parade through State College would look like:

The Start: Old Main (Pollock Rd)

Picture this for an entrance. The lawn is packed. The football team is inside the hallowed halls of Old Main. At whatever time the parade is set to start, the Nittany Lions, preferably wearing these beautiful varsity jackets, slowly file out the doors of the historic building, carrying the national championship trophy. Blue and white confetti shoots out of machines adjacent, etc. After acknowledging the crowd, they load onto buses behind the building to begin the parade, driving east towards the HUB before turning right onto Shortlidge.

East College Avenue

Our version of Broadway.

We don’t quite have the skyline, attractions, or even the infrastructure that make the Canyon of Heroes so special, but we’ll make do with what we have.

The procession turns right off Shortlidge and drives past all the staples. Family Clothesline, the Bookstore, Cane’s, Doggie’s, the Corner Room, State Theatre, etc. From there, it’ll turn onto Burrowes to go back on campus and drive past all the cornerstones of the university itself.

The Campus Tour

Riding up Burrowes, they’ll drive past Waring Commons and historic Rec Hall before turning onto Curtin Road as they bask in the glory of the Lion Shrine.

At this point, they’re effectively going through their old campus tour as a high schooler again. They drive past the Pattee & Paterno Library and the Forum Building before making their way to the Berkey Creamery, where maybe the team can make a pitstop for some ice cream.

After driving by East Halls, they’ll conclude the tour by heading back towards Beaver Stadium, passing Pegula Ice Arena and the Bryce Jordan Center along the way.

The Ceremony

Once they get back to Beaver Stadium, they can hold a City Hall-like ceremony honoring the national championships inside the iconic venue, which would surely have tens of thousands inside to watch. Admission would ideally be free, given 100,000 seats, but it may depend on demand.

What would the ceremony entail? Well, Pat Kraft and Neeli Bendapudi would speak. Maybe the Board of Trustees and certain donors could get a word in. I can’t think of a “Key to the City” equivalent, but surely there’s something you could do there.

Just think of a celebration of an iconic season. They’ll figure it out.

The Guests

Many of the buses would be filled with the 105 scholarship players, but there’s room for others in the procession.

Think about a bus with the Willard Preacher (would he even want to be there?) and the Nittany Lion. You’d have the Blue Band marching throughout the 2.5-mile path playing the fight song. The Lionettes and the mic men are hyping up the crowd along the route.

They could bring back old legends in their own cars. Saquon Barkley, Ki-Jana Carter, LaVar Arrington, Micah Parsons, etc. Somehow, Shamak will find his way onto a bus.

The Route

The route clocks in at 2.63 miles, which is considerably longer than the Canyon of Heroes but more in line with other parades, such as the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and those conducted by other recent champions (the 2024 Eagles and Celtics).

If you’re going to do a parade in State College, it has to hit certain landmarks, and those landmarks are what make up this G-shaped route. There are other ways to do it, but this is the best that checks every box.