Hipster Howl: My Postmodern Existence
Since Chad started blogging for Onward State, a disgruntled bohemian has been inundating his MySpace mailbox with caustic conversation. To end the onslaught and offer Chad more chill time, Onward State has allowed Sebastian to inform us of his postmodern existence.
My name is Sebastian, not that it matters. Names are lies that our parents bestow on us in hopes that we’ll conform to their shallow desires.
Anyway, I’m moderately excited to write for Onward State. I deleted my last blog after Hazel, an acquaintance from Art 416, started blogging about my blog. Then Theo from Webster’s started blogging about her blog. Lame.
I rode my bicycle to Goodwill yesterday to find some new rags. In the girls’ section, I picked up some deck jeans, midnight black and size 2. They’re a little tight on the crotch, but hell if I care about my sperm count. Think I want kids? Fuck no. Whatever.
So yesterday was a decent day. My rents sent me a fairly hefty check for the month, and I splurged on a $45 flannel workshirt from American Apparel. But I only shop there because they don’t use sweatshops like the other corporations. (Important USAS meeting this week—be there.) Afterward, I started biking back to my apartment and scowled at a passing group of bros and hos on their way to a frat party or something. Remember, Sebastian, you are above these people. Next time I won’t make eye contact.
Theo invited me to his party, but he played Dave Matthews at his last powwow and a part of me died. Therefore, I stayed at my place to brood over how much alt cred my latest Chromeo/Diana Ross mashup will give me. I microwaved some soy dogs from the Weis dumpster while the mashup uploaded to MySpace. But I’m not excited.
My hair is so fucking ironic. Like that time I chain-smoked a pack of American Spirits outside THON. Not that I try to be ironic or anything. I’m really not ironic.
Well, I’ve got some photographic negatives to develop in my bathtub. I’ll probably keep blogging here, but, if Onward State ever sells out, I am so gone.
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About the Author
“Tim’s Law,” the Timothy J. Piazza Anti-Hazing Law, was approved by the Pennsylvania Senate Monday. The legislation is named after Tim Piazza, who died following a hazing ritual at the on-campus Beta Theta Pi fraternity house in February 2017. Now that it’s been passed by both Pennsylvania’s Senate and House of Representatives, the bill will move […]
“I’ll have a scarlet kidney but a heart that beats blue and white.”
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