Hipster Howl: My Passion for Fashion
My name is Sebastian and I have a passion for fashion.
You may ask, “How can I, a humble Onward State reader, even try to compete with the styles of Sebastian Noir?” Well you can’t. But go ahead and try. When I manage to crawl to class, I’d rather see a ragtag of wannabe hipsters than a sea of Penn State hoodies. Ew.
Here are some tips:
- Remember those clunky glasses your parents wore before you were born? Well, they’re cool.
- Sweaters. Cardigans, pullovers, sweater vests, Cosby sweaters, v-necks, zip-ups, tight sweaters, fuzzy sweaters, sweaters, sweaters, sweaters.
- Do-it-yourself haircut. Or pay someone lots of money to make it look like you cut it yourself. Tell people you cut it yourself.
- Once you’ve got the perfect haircut, find the perfect head-to-pillow sleeping angle. The correct cowlick is key.
- If Chad would wear it, don’t.
- Dumpster fashion. Get as many clothes as possible from a dumpster. Or get something from Urban Outfitters that appears dumpster-esque.
- If you’re fat, kill yourself. Or go vegan. If that doesn’t work then kill yourself.
- Skintight jeans, man purses, beards, fancy cigs, retro sneakers, whatever, whatever. Just look at me. You’re all fucking posers anyway.