Hipster Howl: My Passion for Fashion

fashion My name is Sebastian and I have a passion for fashion.

You may ask, “How can I, a humble Onward State reader, even try to compete with the styles of Sebastian Noir?”  Well you can’t.  But go ahead and try.  When I manage to crawl to class, I’d rather see a ragtag of wannabe hipsters than a sea of Penn State hoodies.  Ew.

Here are some tips:

  1. Remember those clunky glasses your parents wore before you were born?  Well, they’re cool.
  2. Sweaters.  Cardigans, pullovers, sweater vests, Cosby sweaters, v-necks, zip-ups, tight sweaters, fuzzy sweaters, sweaters, sweaters, sweaters.
  3. Do-it-yourself haircut.  Or pay someone lots of money to make it look like you cut it yourself.  Tell people you cut it yourself.
  4. Once you’ve got the perfect haircut, find the perfect head-to-pillow sleeping angle.  The correct cowlick is key.
  5. If Chad would wear it, don’t.
  6. Dumpster fashion.  Get as many clothes as possible from a dumpster.  Or get something from Urban Outfitters that appears dumpster-esque.
  7. If you’re fat, kill yourself.  Or go vegan.  If that doesn’t work then kill yourself.
  8. Irony.
  9. Skintight jeans, man purses, beards, fancy cigs, retro sneakers, whatever, whatever.  Just look at me.  You’re all fucking posers anyway.


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Sebastian is an unfortunate doppelgänger.


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