Hipster Howl: My Passion for Fashion

fashion My name is Sebastian and I have a passion for fashion.

You may ask, “How can I, a humble Onward State reader, even try to compete with the styles of Sebastian Noir?”  Well you can’t.  But go ahead and try.  When I manage to crawl to class, I’d rather see a ragtag of wannabe hipsters than a sea of Penn State hoodies.  Ew.

Here are some tips:

  1. Remember those clunky glasses your parents wore before you were born?  Well, they’re cool.
  2. Sweaters.  Cardigans, pullovers, sweater vests, Cosby sweaters, v-necks, zip-ups, tight sweaters, fuzzy sweaters, sweaters, sweaters, sweaters.
  3. Do-it-yourself haircut.  Or pay someone lots of money to make it look like you cut it yourself.  Tell people you cut it yourself.
  4. Once you’ve got the perfect haircut, find the perfect head-to-pillow sleeping angle.  The correct cowlick is key.
  5. If Chad would wear it, don’t.
  6. Dumpster fashion.  Get as many clothes as possible from a dumpster.  Or get something from Urban Outfitters that appears dumpster-esque.
  7. If you’re fat, kill yourself.  Or go vegan.  If that doesn’t work then kill yourself.
  8. Irony.
  9. Skintight jeans, man purses, beards, fancy cigs, retro sneakers, whatever, whatever.  Just look at me.  You’re all fucking posers anyway.


Your ad blocker is on.

Please choose an option below.

Sign up for our e-mail newsletter:
Support quality journalism:
Purchase a Subscription!

About the Author


Sebastian is an unfortunate doppelgänger.

Washington Set As Penn State 2024 White Out Opponent

The Huskies will make their White Out debut in their first year in the Big Ten.

Reports: Penn State Football Avoiding Noon White Out

According to Christian Hackenberg and the Centre Daily Times, a noon kick isn’t in the cards.

Penn State Football Announces 2024 Game Themes

Ohio State will serve as the Helmet Stripe and UCLA will experience among the full slot of themes.

Other posts by Sebastian

Hipster Howl: My Call for Comrades

I finally started my underground poetry circle, but it’s so underground that nobody knows about it.  And telling people about my poetry circle is definitely selling out to the man. Matilda and I broke up, not that we were actually dating. Her impetus?  She found Miley Cyrus tracks on my iPod.  I told her I […]

Hipster Howl: A Wistful Week

Hipster Howl: Thoughts