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Everyone’s Biggest Problem:


One of the major issues facing the UPUA right now is a piece of legislation in the facilities fee committee which will, if passed, create 8-10 new intramural fields, along with parking spaces, restrooms and a first aid facility. For those of you who don’t know, this is the committee that is responsible with allocating our facility fees (hence the name). UPUA Facilities Fee Committee Chairman Nick Mance explained that

We have this money [$10 million] sitting around, and we’re trying to explore the best, most feasible options that hopefully provide the most good to the most amount of students.

Whether this $3.5 million is the best and most feasible use of the money is a separate matter. I’m more concerned with the best options of who will use these fields, and what could be a new intramural sport. Hmmm…

  • The Three Broomsticks: Penn State’s official Harry Potter club will surely get good use out of the new fields, which should be perfect for Quidditch. Watch out for Bludgers, passerby! Now where’s that Golden Snitch…
  • Medieval Society of Penn State: teaming up with C.H.A.P.S. (Collegiate Horsemen’s Association of Penn State), the Medieval Society now has a perfect location to throw down the gauntlet and perfect their jousting skills!
  • The Objectivist Club: the sport of not showing up, as existence is independent of human consciousness. Members would be too busy pursuing their own happiness to show up to the fields
  • Human Skeet Shooting: The gymnastics team and paintball club team up for a modern take on this classy past time
  • Kickball: Everyone’s favorite childhood game (except for those of us who were picked last). Maybe Penn State could even enter a team into the World Adult Kickball Association
  • Rugby: I know, I know, rugby, silly European people, but this is one crazy sport. Check out these guys. I would be pissing my pants too.

I know that I’m excited to see how these new fields turn out, and I’m sure enthusiasts of the aforementioned soon-to-be intramural sports are too

About the Author

Noah Simmons

Noah is an International Politics major minoring in French. Noah participates in the Mock Trial team, the Sailing Team, and is the president/founder of the Odyssey of the Mind club. Besides pushing the limit of what is journalistically acceptable, Noah enjoys long walks on the beach and football. In a previous lifetime he was William Wallace


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This year’s sneaker is available to purchase online for $109.99.

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Fall Move-In Traffic & Construction Changes

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Assessing Penn State’s Front Seven Following Tuesday’s Medical Retirements

Penn State’s defensive line rotation will be shaken up following Ryan Buchholz’s medical retirement from football, while the coaching staff is letting the linebackers duel it out during camp.

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