The Future of Footwear Comes to Penn State
A new fad has hit Penn State, one that threatens to be greater than Pogs, Pokemon, and Yo-yos combined. They make you feel like Buzz Aldrin, and make Sketchers’ ShapeUps look conservative. I’m referring, of course, to Kangoo Jumps (KJs). Already rumored to be featured on the Richard Simmons comeback exercise video (full disclosure: the author started this rumor…right now), Kangoo Jumps are taking State College by storm, in all their goofy glory.
Kangoo Jumps were originally intended for rehabilitating athletes and astronauts. They’re designed like a pair of roller blades, but these beauties don’t rely on wheels; that’s so 1990s. Kangoo Jumps have their own attached “shock absorbing shell”. Imagine being in a moon bounce, but all the time. Kangoo Jumps boast numerous health benefits, such as joint protection, increased weight loss, and better posture.
Many of you may have seen the KJs in action before the first home football game this year. That’s because KJs have indeed come to State College. East Coast Health and Fitness instructor Amy Powell has single-handedly introduced the residents of Happy Valley to the future: “I was just searching for new ideas to bring to the gym, and I came across Kangoo Jumps.” I too spend my free time looking for wacky ideas from the ’80s to spend large quantities of money on.
Powell took a group of runners on the KJs around Beaver Stadium before the Youngstown State game earlier this year, with mixed results. However, the KJs seem to be catching on. If you have $250 to spend and feel like falling in love with the future, pick up a pair of Kangoo Jumps. Because they’re not just for running.
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“As soon as his football skills are really sharp, Jayson’s going to be unstoppable.”
New Big Ten Network president Francois McGillicuddy announced Millen will return to the broadcast booth as an analyst during the 2019 college football season.
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