Author: Noah Simmons

Noah is an International Politics major minoring in French. Noah participates in the Mock Trial team, the Sailing Team, and is the president/founder of the Odyssey of the Mind club. Besides pushing the limit of what is journalistically acceptable, Noah enjoys long walks on the beach and football. In a previous lifetime he was William Wallace

The Future of Footwear Comes to Penn State

A new fad has hit Penn State, one that threatens to be greater than Pogs, Pokemon, and Yo-yos combined. They make you feel like Buzz Aldrin, and make Sketchers’ ShapeUps look conservative.  I’m referring, of course, to Kangoo Jumps (KJs). Already rumored to be featured on the Richard Simmons comeback exercise video (full disclosure: the author started this rumor…right now), Kangoo Jumps are taking State College by storm, in all their goofy glory.

Save the Boobs!

For those of you who’ve never been to, it’s a very classy and upstanding site. Imagine the PlayBoy mansion, but online, and with no (total) nudity. As far as I can tell, the goal of the website is to give members of the LARPing club and creepy 60 year olds something to “look” at on Friday nights. Like all things in America, there needs to be a number 1 Mansion girl, which is why the website has been hosting a Mansion Madness head-to-head competition to crown Miss Mansion. And our very own Dakota Konstas has made the final two! Read on to learn more about Dakota…

CATA Manager Gets Recognized

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Self, I do believe that the CATA system is the most efficiently run in the country”? If you have, you’re not alone. The American Public Transportation Association seems to think so too, as they awarded CATA manager Hugh Mose their Outstanding Public Transportation Manager Award.

Want Free Food? Try Out Lionmenus’ Special Deals

There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Or is there? During this week, Lionmenus is offering exclusive buy-one get-one free discount codes for Golden Wok, Mamma Mia Pizza, and Pita Pit.

State College PD Collects Unused Pills

Rush Limbaugh isn’t the only one who wants your unused pills. On Saturday, the State College Police Department held an event that offered residents of State College a chance to safely dispose of their unused prescription pills. Residents were able to hand over their pills anonymously at a box in the police department.

This event was part of a nation-wide effort that took place this weekend, coordinated by the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA).

Graham Spanier Touches Penn State Community

Last week, Graham Spanier released (and subsequently blueballed us with) a preview of his State of the University address. After many sleepless nights and cold showers, the day finally arrived on Friday. Penn Staters everywhere awoke to an email from G-Span himself.

Grab a clean pair of pants, and without further ado, the State of the University:

GSpan to Release State of University Address Sept. 17

There are some things that are bound to happen every year at Penn State: Rumors swirl about JoePa retiring. People raise an absurd amount of money for THON. But the most important occurrence of all is the Graham Spanier State of the University Address.

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