Penn State: Giant Left-Wing Conspiracy?

Times are dire, my friends. I fear for our University.

I mean look at what’s going on.

First, we have Professor Michael Mann helping cover up evidence that the vast conspiracy known as “global warming” is completely made up.

Still, I’m glad to have some conclusive evidence that global warming is a load of hogwash. One would think our October snow storm would be enough, but those “climatologists” just claimed global warming would sometimes make things colder. Have they no shame?

Now, Penn State Altoona is having Dr. William Ayers come speak next Thursday! I’m can’t quite remember why this is a problem, but I’m pretty sure he was at one point a communist, and even worse, friends with President Obama.

What I do know for sure is his name came up a lot on during the election, typically in connection with other negative sounding words. That means he has to be anti-American. Altoona says he’s speaking on education, but everyone knows “education” and “indoctrination” have some of the same letters. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions on his nefarious motives.

From Swine Flu Vaccinations (part of the government plot to make everyone sick by curing a disease) to the limiting of our inalienable rights (to attend massive bacchanalian blowouts at Penn State’s Fraternities), all the things that make this country and university great are coming under attack. We need to stand up now, before it’s too late!

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About the Author

Nick Johnson

Nick is a junior majoring in IST (the Internet) and CAS (saying things). He hopes to one day get paid to do this, but for now he is willing to do it for the fame. Besides writing for Onward State, he also puts things on the Internet here.

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