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JoePa Has Eye Surgery, Ditches Thick Lenses

It was reported yesterday that Head Football Coach Joe Paterno had eye surgery in Philadelphia after he had some difficulty reading. The procedure was a success, and Paterno no longer needs his iconic “coke-bottle” glasses. Instead of eschewing eyewear entirely, he will be wearing glasses with thinner lenses, as he “feels strange” without them. Given that he’s now wearing glasses he doesn’t absolutely need, it’s safe to conclude he’s only a scarf, a sleeve tattoo and a derisive comment about mainstream music away from being Hipster JoePa.

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About the Author

Mark

Mark McColey is a Senior majoring in Advertising and Labor-Employment relations. Among his loves are Penn State Football, The Steelers, The Penguins, The Simpsons, Tina Fey, and Arrested Development.

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Gorman Abruptly Resigns

Head coach of the men’s soccer program Barry Gorman unexpectedly announced his resignation Monday. He leaves a legacy of 22 years of coaching and three Big Ten titles in his wake. Citing “personal reasons,” he has left the team to a nation-wide search for his successor.

“We expected Gorman to be there,” [rising Senior and Co-Captain Andres] Casais said of next season. “He was a father figure to us.”



Oof, that can’t feel good. The move isn’t completely out of the blue, as Gorman was periodically absent during the past few weeks without notice. But from all accounts, his intention to resign was only revealed yesterday. On the abandonment scale, this registers just slightly above “going to the store for some cigarettes and never coming back.”

EVERYBODY PANIC: Battle Submits For NBA Draft

Twisted Humor Comedy Tour to Visit Alumni Hall

Michael, Ryan, & Julia Lead THON 2023 Dancer Names

A traditionally male name has finally made the most common name since Onward State has started reporting most common dancer names.

Michael, Ryan, & Julia Lead THON 2023 Dancer Names

A traditionally male name has finally made the most common name since Onward State has started reporting most common dancer names.

Penn State Historical Markers We Want To See

It’s time we memorialize the likes of the Twerk Circle and the Green Link with some campus historical markers.

Sewing, Seams, & Sports Teams: Meet Penn State Athletics’ Alterations Specialist

Autumn Grace works behind the scenes for Penn State Athletics by fixing rips and sewing patches on to players’ jerseys.

 
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