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JoePa Has Eye Surgery, Ditches Thick Lenses

It was reported yesterday that Head Football Coach Joe Paterno had eye surgery in Philadelphia after he had some difficulty reading. The procedure was a success, and Paterno no longer needs his iconic “coke-bottle” glasses. Instead of eschewing eyewear entirely, he will be wearing glasses with thinner lenses, as he “feels strange” without them. Given that he’s now wearing glasses he doesn’t absolutely need, it’s safe to conclude he’s only a scarf, a sleeve tattoo and a derisive comment about mainstream music away from being Hipster JoePa.

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About the Author

Mark

Mark McColey is a Senior majoring in Advertising and Labor-Employment relations. Among his loves are Penn State Football, The Steelers, The Penguins, The Simpsons, Tina Fey, and Arrested Development.

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Gorman Abruptly Resigns

Head coach of the men’s soccer program Barry Gorman unexpectedly announced his resignation Monday. He leaves a legacy of 22 years of coaching and three Big Ten titles in his wake. Citing “personal reasons,” he has left the team to a nation-wide search for his successor.

“We expected Gorman to be there,” [rising Senior and Co-Captain Andres] Casais said of next season. “He was a father figure to us.”



Oof, that can’t feel good. The move isn’t completely out of the blue, as Gorman was periodically absent during the past few weeks without notice. But from all accounts, his intention to resign was only revealed yesterday. On the abandonment scale, this registers just slightly above “going to the store for some cigarettes and never coming back.”

EVERYBODY PANIC: Battle Submits For NBA Draft

Twisted Humor Comedy Tour to Visit Alumni Hall

THON 2023 Scheduled For February 17-19

We dance in 275, Penn State!

THON 2023 Scheduled For February 17-19

We dance in 275, Penn State!

Carrie Underwood To Perform At Bryce Jordan Center February 10

Underwood is bringing her “The Denim & Rhinestones” tour to Happy Valley next spring.

Jana Marie Foundation Takes Innovative Approach To Promote Mental Well-Being Of Young People

“Jana Marie Foundation harnesses the power of creative expression and dialogue to spark conversations, build connections, and promote mental well-being among young people and their communities.”

 
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