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DOTD: State Patty’s Day Edition

It isn’t easy going back to the life of classwork after straight boozing for a full 18-or-so hours. Penn State, as a whole, just went H.A.M this weekend and the start of the week couldn’t be more loathed. Some are even still nursing Gatorade bottles, trying to kill the lingering hangover. Some are scrolling through Facebook, untagging themselves from keg stand pictures.

So, in order to suspend reality, we have some hilarious YouTube videos for tools of procrastination. Not just any viral vids, State Patty’s Day madness that has made the web. Call it, State.0.

What better way to start a full day of drinking recklessly than by jumping head first into a table of solo cups and cans. When these kids agreed to get stupid drunk, they got stupid drunk. Plus there’s a good little tour of the green shit-show that went on down College and Beaver. Ya know, just in case the Vlad shots kept you porcelain-bound all day.

If anyone made their way down to the 400 block of Beaver Avenue, by Bryce Jordan Towers and Park Hill, you would have found a rowdy crowd watching drunk kids duff it on the icy sidewalks. It was some good entertainment. In case you missed it, here’s a highlight reel of the best ass-bashing tumbles.

Why not dig into the archives a little. This one is from State Patty’s 2010. But it still shows you just how wild a green tee-shirt makes some people. Check out this bro getting his face smashed in for fun. Can this please make the next Death to Greek Life video. “No gay stuff while rushing, man. We may just punch you in the grill.” I’d spend hundreds a semester for friends like that.

This kid didn’t get the memo that chugging from the gin bucket may cause some harmful side effects. One in particular, becoming completely trashed. Thankfully, someone capitalized off of his sheer stupidity. This is something future employers may not be too excited about.

This girl seriously is convinced that she lost her teeth. We all know that there isn’t anything worse than a drunk girl without volume control. It even makes it worse when what she’s screaming about makes her sound like some hobo who robbed a methadone clinic. I still can’t decide who is the bigger crack head, the chick with a bloody nose who keeps screaming about molly or the creeper trying to date rape her on camera. Oh, roofies.

I’m still not sure what’s worse about this video. The fact that this kid’s satire completely sucks, or that it’s guaranteed that he has never been laid. Plus, how are you that crappy at acting drunk?

A little classic from our friends at PSN TV. Quite possibly the most uneventful broadcasters ever. What better way to ruin the fun-loving spirit of State Patty’s Day then with boring your viewers to death. You won, Mayor Goreham. You and your team of community propaganda workers. I never want to see a green bead necklace again.

As much as Chiddy Bang, wants to say life is a party, you eventually need to get your liver back in fighting shape. But why not push that off until tomorrow. For now, enjoy the video evidence that Penn State can hold its liquor (or not).

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10 Questions With 2019 Class Gift Director Tom Beeby

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