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Complaining About UPUA Violations… In Style!

I’ve been told that UPUA Elections are going on and I should care for some reason. I recently discovered that UPUA has set up an official spot to complain about Elections Code Violations. If there’s one thing I like to do, it is complaining about things. Especially frivolous things that nobody honestly cares about. It sure sounds like an election to me!

Anyway, the form is supposed to be used for other student politicians to report things like spending too much money and campaigning in restricted areas. But let’s face it, that Elections Code is incredibly boring and I can’t be bothered to understand it. Judging from the recent “Can a freshman run for office?” debates, neither can UPUA. The form apparently lets non-candidates also complain about things.

The form appears to protect itself against my intended smear campaigns and “yo momma” jokes by asking me to associate with a candidate. Since all of the candidates’ names are listed on the election site, I’m sure the PSU directory would get me all the information I need to claim I am acting on their behalf. The candidates will thank me later, I’m sure.

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About the Author

John Dempsey

John is a Junior majoring in Journalism from Hazleton, PA. He is so awesome that sharks dedicate a week to him.
Likes: Video games, vigilante justice, irony, talking bears, Burt Reynolds, El Chupacabra, coloring books, chainsaws, and Australians.
Dislikes: Zombies, clowns, zombie clowns, turtleneck sweaters, Apple, poor mustache grooming, nuclear winter, Roman architecture, guacamole, robots, LCD TVs, the color yellow, Velcro, ceiling fans, sprinklers, tornadoes, Belgians, squat thrusts, and romantic comedies.

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It is that time of year again. The weather is getting warmer when it feels like it and we switch to shorter pants just as the insects begin to multiply. It is a magical time of year that some of us will see for the last time in State College. For those lucky few, not going to class this week is a sign of maturity. With a college degree ensured, the world awaits you. Unless you’re in the Liberal Arts, of course. Then, your mother’s couch awaits you. However, there exist among us the ones that dare to take it to the next level. The ones that can’t get enough binge drinking, construction, and parking citations. The ones that will never graduate. How do they do it? Very, very smugly. These are the keys to never leaving Penn State.

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