Attention all GDI instigators: have you been itching to add more fuel to the “frat bros are douchebags” fire? Well, look no further! Did you know that about half of the UPUA is Greek, including President T.J. Bard and Vice President Courtney Lennartz? Yeah, didn’t think so. Wait, hold on a second…what’s that I smell? Oh yes, possible CONSPIRACY?!

No, but really, though, all most jokes aside, about half of the UPUA is in fact involved in Greek life, including chapters such as Beta Theta Pi (Beta), Gamma Phi Beta (Gamma Phi), Delta Zeta (DZ), Zeta Psi (Ya, they just call themselves Zeta Psi), Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE), Sigma Chi (Sig Chi), Alpha Delta Pi (ADPi), and Sigma Kappa (Sig Kap). The Greeks are slowly taking over campus and no one is doing anything to stop it! How did you let this happen, Geeds (GDI/Goddamn Independent/Unaffiliated/Not Greek)?!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Perhaps fraternities and sororities pay their members to run for positions in UPUA so they can sway any and all decisions in the favor of IFC and Panhellenic. They already pay to be their each other’s friends, right? So what’s a few more bills? Maybe running for UPUA guarantees that you won’t get iced for an entire semester? Or maybe the sorority sisters who run for UPUA are officially given the privilege of having hoop earrings be “her” thing? (Mean Girls reference? Anyone? Anyone?)

Although those may be enticing lures for Greek members to run for UPUA, what exactly are they hoping to do to help improve Dear Old State? Perhaps they will implement a section of the BASICS program that teaches you “How to Drink like a Frat Star” instead of the usual spiel about “responsible” ways to drink. Or maybe a school wide dress code that on Wednesdays we wear pink? (If you don’t get that Mean Girls reference I am officially declaring you a lost cause) Or maybe make it possible to minor in “Total Frat Move/Total Sorority Move” studies? The possibilities are endless!

All right, now before I really start getting some people all riled up who can’t see through my complete sarcasm, let me just say that a pretty big portion of UPUA reps were already Greek before this fall semester. So if they haven’t disappointed you thus far, no need to fret; everything will most likely be conducted as usual. However, if you have been disappointed with their performance…it still probably has nothing to do with a lot of them being Greek.