A Sad Eagles Fan’s Super Bowl Preview
Another year, another disappointing finish. Ah, the life of a Philadelphia Eagles fan. Eagles fans of Penn State, please sympathize with me.
This particular season, however, was just plain embarrassing. Any fan of the NFL or casual viewer of ESPN heard our (now former) strip-club loving, manic depressive, backup quarterback proclaim this year’s version of the Eagles the “dream team”. Well, that one certainly blew up in our faces.
All the usual Andy Reid shenanigans took place this year: shitty clock management, complete lack of any in-game adjustments, thinking that some undersized late round draft pick can start on defense, not giving your extremely talented running back the goddamn football, failing on 3rd and 1 continuously, horrendous red zone defense, and me throwing various blunt objects or my fist into or through a wall.
Eagles fans are extremely sick of the same shortcomings over and over. We’ve still never won a single Super Bowl. At this point, if you are optimistic about an Eagles season, you need a swift kick in the balls.
Just around the corner is Super Bowl Sunday, and now I get to watch this guy and this guy try to win another Super Bowl. I hate the Giants. I hate the Patriots (except for Coach Billy!). One of our most heated rivals is facing the team that I indirectly blame for my cynicism after the 2005 Super Bowl. This sucks. I don’t need to see Tom Brady and his perfect, silky, flowing hair hoist another Lombardi trophy. It would be even worse to see that jackass Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning’s stupid face standing up on the illustrious stage of victory.
I’ll be sure to drown my sorrows in a 12-pack and by eating half my body weight in hors d’oeuvres. Ah, the life of an Eagles fan.
At least now there are rumors that Donovan McNabb would come back to Philly as a backup quarterback next year! Maybe after Mike Vick gets hurt again he can promptly lead us to another NFC Championship game loss! Plus, defensive coordinator extraordinaire Juan Castillo will be back! Next year will definitely be our year!
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About the Author
After losing my father to cancer, I thought there was nothing THON could offer me that I didn’t already know. After four years, I found comfort in the familiar.
If you waited until the last minute to plan your State Patty’s daylong outfit, we have your back.
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