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Seven Ways to Avoid Looking Like a Freshman

There is no year like freshman year. Late night loop rides with your dorm mates from frat row, realizing you can sleep through class without getting yelled at, and buff chic pizza from the Big O are all excellent perks to being at the bottom of the collegiate totem pole. These benefits can only carry you so far, though.

Being a freshman is an experience that will make you appreciate the rest of college even more. Freshman year is like your opportunity to adjust to college life before anyone is actually willing to accept you as a person.

Unfortunately, some people only graduate to sophomore status via number of credits. These people will still make the same silly mistakes that freshman make. Luckily, there are ways to not only mitigate your severe case of freshmanitis early, but to prevent those late onset symptoms before they happen. Here are the top seven things you can do to avoid looking like a freshman.

1. Put the damn lanyard in your pocket. Hey, I have a lanyard attached to my keys. It’s a great invention when your gym clothes don’t have pockets. It’s when you walk around with it around your neck at dinner and in the HUB that you look like a tool bag. And for fuck’s sake, don’t put the keys in your pocket and have the lanyard hang out.

2. I reserve the right to shoulder check you if you stop in the middle of the sidewalk in front of me. It’s not that hard to turn your head to the side and see who is behind you. Or walk into the street. The odds of a car being on Pollock are definitely in your favor. If you don’t know that then read #3.

3. This is State College not New York City. Stop looking west on College when you cross, stop looking east on Beaver. And when you do look and there’s a car coming, that doesn’t mean wait. That means calculate the steps you must take to get said car to stop for you. If it’s daylight, they will stop.

4. Figure out how dining halls work. Enter, pay, grab food, sit down, eat, return tray, walk away from tray room. Don’t stand in the middle of a three foot wide pathway from the cashier to the dishroom. Don’t stop in front of lines to talk to that bro in your English class. Don’t stand in line unless there is actually a line. Pollock is designed for you to walk up and grab your food, not stand around all day.

5. Don’t argue with the preacher. You won’t win. Someone will take a picture. You’ll be a meme by dinner time. You may be right, but he is one persistent son of a gun.

6. Don’t take the bus from East to the Library. Logically, in the time it takes you to catch a bus you could almost make the walk. More importantly, it’s a ten minute walk. Come on.

7. Make up your mind. Whether it’s walking through a door on the wrong side, spending fifteen seconds figuring out which way you want to walk around the person walking at you, or taking forever in lines, freshmen are notorious for being indecisive. Make a decision, stick with it, and be prepared for that shoulder check if I don’t like your decision.

Being a freshman is a unique experience that will teach you how to be a successful college student. Whether you’re a first time freshman or a sophomore going at it the second time around, learn from your time at the bottom of the pile and stop being a freshman so you can work your way up.

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