Overheard at Homecoming Weekend

What a fan-effing-tastic weekend to be a Penn Stater!

Friday, we lined the streets to watch the Homecoming parade, scoring candy, t-shirts, and all of the other swag the orgs gave out, and learned the theme for THON 2013. We woke up bright and early for Saturday’s noon game to tailgate and make our way to Beaver Stadium. At halftime, we saw how talented our alumni are as the PSU Alumni Band performed, and we met the new Homecoming King and Queen. In the fourth quarter, we cheered our blue and white asses off as our team made an incredible comeback and beat Northwestern. We went home and took some well-deserved naps, then went back out Saturday night to celebrate our victory, basking in the school-spirited (and occasionally — okay usually — inebriated) glow of life as a Nittany Lion.

Obviously this week’s Overheard post needed to incorporate both past and present Penn Staters, so it required more than one day to hear what both sects had to slur say.

From Beaver Stadium to Beaver Avenue, here are the best things that I overheard at Homecoming weekend in Happy Valley.

Drunk middle-aged female alum, screaming and jogging down College Ave: “IT’S GRILLLLLLLLED STICKIE TIIIIIIIIME!”

Girl in a green hoodie: “Yeah, I saw a picture of some guy dressed like the guy from Star Wars guarding the Lion Shrine. He looked the part. I want that costume.”

Girl in Uggs: “Maybe I’ll be a mini CATAbus for Halloween like that one in the parade.”
Her friend: *stares at her like she’s crazy*
Girl in Uggs: “What? It was so cute!”

Guy in an orange shirt: “No way College Avenue is happening for us for the parade. Freaking sorostitutes claimed the whole strip too early.”

Group of guys in the student section, chanting: “HEY! REF! SUCK ON MY BALLS! HEY! REF! SUCK ON MY BALLS!”

Older male alum on Curtin Road: “Well y’all are welcome at our tailgate! No beer or anything, but we do have fried pickles on a stick.”

Older female alum on Curtin Road: “That number 42 has quite the tooshie on him, doesn’t he?”

Guy in a Penn State Santa hat: “I do really love Graham, but Shane’s hair was made for a crown.”

Guy in a THON hoodie on Curtin Road: “WE ARE!”
Older female alum on Curtin Road, shrieking loudly: “THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!”

Drunk blonde girl, stumbling home from a tailgate: “Today was so perfect! I was black!”
Everyone around her: *giving her strange looks*
Drunk blonde girl, awkwardly realizing her mistake: “I mean… the… I had a shirt in the S zone…”

Girl in a white hoodie: “I always worry that the twirler guy is going to miss and the baton will land on his face. What was that Christmas movie, where they’re like ‘You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!’? That’s what I think.”

Girl in a Pink S-Zone shirt, running: “He hit me with his foam Penn State finger, took my pom-pom, and ran away!”

Guy in a grey PSU hoodie: *imitates McGloin’s discount double check celebration*

Guys in the student section, chanting: “MATTY ICE! MATTY ICE! MATTY ICE!”

Guy in the front of the S-Zone, shouting angrily: “Hey Ref, get off your knees, you’re blowing the game!”

Girl in a North Face at Redifer: “I guess my roommate thought there was a homecoming dance this weekend and freaked out that she didn’t have a date.”

Guy in a blue jacket: “I Nittanyvilled for that game, and thank God.”
His friend: “You Paternovilled the game.”

Girl in a grey skirt, exasperated at the long line at the Saloon: “Oh my god, I’m so sick of all of these OLD PEOPLE.”
All of the alumni in line: *stare at her, offended*

Girl in a purple dress, slurring on the phone: “I took too many shots cheers-ing Penn State tonight. Will you come get me?”

Male alum, wheezing as he walks from College to Beaver: “I don’t remember this road being so steep…”
His friend: “You don’t remember because you were drunk!”

Guy in a Nittany Lion costume, Gangnam Style-ing down Beaver Ave: “WE DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TRY! IT’S ALWAYS A GOOD TIIIIIIIME!”

Guy in a red polo: “So, you girls been drinking tonight?”
One of the girls, sarcastically: “Nooooo, we don’t drink.”
Guy in a red polo: “Pshh. Y’all don’t drink?”
Another of the girls, dead-pan:  “Of course not, we don’t have sex before marriage either.”
Polo guy’s friend: “Yo, get away from ’em man, they don’t drink or have sex!”

Guy in a leather jacket: “It would have worked if you still had that mustache.”

Guy in a button-down, flirtatiously: “Girl, you could fight crime in those boots.”
Girl in boots: “I can barely walk in these boots.”

Guy in baggy jeans, holding the door: “Ladies, ladies, ladies!”
One of the aforementioned ladies: “…Man, man, man?”

Girl in high heels: “I wish there was an escalator up Shortlidge.”

Tall blonde girl, barely containing herself on Beaver Ave: “WAIT STOP YOU GUYS WE JUST PASSED A MIDGET!”

Girl in a fracket: “Do you think there’s a way to be a slutty Nittany Lion for Halloween?”
Her friend:  “Oh my god.”

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About the Author

Alicia Thomas

Alicia is a senior with majors in Print Journalism and Spanish and a minor in International Studies. Chances are that she's somewhere talking about her semester abroad or ranting about sexual assault prevention right now. She can be reached via Twitter (@aliciarthomas) or email ([email protected]).

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