How to Break Up with Your Professors: A Love Letter
With the end of the late drop period upon us, the time has come to answer the questions that have probably been nagging us since syllabus week. Should I just wave the white flag and retake MATH 140 next semester? Is a C in Creative Writing really worth the GPA damage for some GA credits?
If you have found yourself at the point of no return with a class, why not go out with a bang? Why let yourself quietly fade into obscurity when you can leave your professor something to remember you by? We at Onward State are here to help make sure your professor’s memory of you outlasts your time in their class.
Form A: A Gen Ed or Elective
Dear professor (name here),
You may know me, I am in your (course name here) class. You see, the (grade here) I am currently pulling just is not cutting it for a class I do not need to be taking. You see, I took (course name here) because it sounded mildly interesting. Believe it or not, I was not trying to shit on my GPA. I appreciate your commitment to your field, but let’s just face it–not all of us are meant to be the next (Shakespeare/Einstein/Van Gogh/Other expert in the subject). If I was a (subject) prodigy, this would be my major, not an elective. Some of us just want to get an A and move on with our lives.
I am sure it is not easy teaching a room full of kids that do not want to be there, so let’s not waste both of our time. There is a lot of sleep or Netflix I could be catching up on instead, but before I go, I would just like you to know:
Oh and like just like Taylor, maybe you are the problem.
Form B: A Class You Will Be Retaking (aka, kiss their ass so they will like you next time)
To my esteemed professor (name here),
Unfortunately, after weeks of putting in my best effort, I have decided that it is best that I do not continue in this class for the semester. You see, it’s not you…it’s me! I am just not cut out for the class at this moment, and I would not want my poor grade to reflect negatively on you as an educator. Because my major requires me to take this class, I will likely be seeing you next semester, and I look forward to the opportunity to learn from you again. Next time, I promise to put a better effort in so I may be evidence of your teaching skills.
I mean, if you have to see them again next semester, why not butter ’em up a bit before you go? Maybe they will go a little easier on you next semester.
Form C: The Barney Stinson Edition
The semester we have spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to learn from you again, but unfortunately, I cannot. You see, I am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade around the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one semester among the living with you, sweet (professor’s name). Perhaps we will meet again in another decade, provided you reach tenure.
Until then, all my love
Have you ever “broken up” with a professor? Share some late drop stories in the comments!
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About the Author
Who needs the Orange Bowl when you can go to the Citrus Bowl and have oranges AND all their citrus brethren in one game of crossover SEC-Big Ten smashmouth football?
After disbanding in 2014, the PSU Brew Club has finally been given the green light to reactivate next semester.
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