If Penn State Were Game of Thrones
As of Friday, we are just two sleeps away from every Game of Thrones fan’s worst nightmare: the season finale. In honor of the culmination of another season, we at Onward State found some parallels between notable Penn Staters and the Seven Kingdoms. Instead of A Song of Ice and Fire, consider it A Song of Vlad and Natty. Also, shout out to big10tens.com, which did this for every Big Ten school.
Spoiler Alert: There are definitely spoilers below. Proceed with caution. Also, I have yet to read the books, and any book spoilers in the comments will be promptly deleted. Don’t be a jerk.
Christian Hackenberg as Jon Snow
While Jon Snow is certainly a much more brooding figure than Hack, both are crucial players to the Games of Thrones and Throws. Hack’s freshman season was just a preview of what could be big things to come, and one can assume that after last week’s battle at The Wall, we can expect great things from Lord Snow as well.
Matt McGloin as Robb Stark
Both McGloin and Robb were once golden boy leaders of their respective teams. Just as Robb left fans after three seasons, McGloin spent roughly three seasons leading the Nittany Lions. Also, McGloin comes from Scranton, so he could be considered Penn State’s (former) King in the North.
Penn State Basketball as The Baratheon Family
When Patrick Chambers usurped the head coaching position from Ed DeChellis, there was a glimmer of hope around the team. However, like Renly and Stannis, the basketball team has tried to succeed, and it’s just not very good at it.
Silas Redd as Theon Greyjoy
We all liked them early on. Sure, transferring isn’t nearly as bad as anything on Greyjoy’s acts in season two, but Redd’s “business decision” earned similar disgust from Penn State loyalists who still relish in the former running back’s woes, whether deserved or not.
James Franklin as Tommen Baratheon
Both are relatively new to their positions of power, and things seem to be going well thus far. They’re generally well-liked, but like Hack and Snow, time will tell what their legacies will hold. Tommen doesn’t have a Twitter account, but if he did he may tweet something like this:
Herb Hand as Hot Pie
THON Volunteers as Margaery Tyrell
Amidst the scheming and lies of King’s Landing, Margaery’s intentions generally seem benevolent. Plus she takes care of children in need.
Joe Paterno as Ned Stark
The Warden of the North and Coach Paterno both experienced abrupt mid-season endings with Joe’s firing and Ned’s beheadal. Despite getting mixed up in scandals, both men preached honor until the end and still have loyal supporters (even if Ned’s numbers are waning).
Mark Emmert as Joffrey Baratheon
The sanctions levied against Penn State may not compare to Joffrey’s laundry list of atrocities, but the two are viewed as constant antagonists whose mere mention results in revulsion. Also, Emmert’s alma mater is the University of Washington, whose colors are purple and gold. Golden-haired Joffrey ran into some trouble at the Purple Wedding. Hm…
Commonwealth Campuses as Locations Beyond the Seven Kingdoms
Just as commonwealth campuses are removed from the everyday happenings of University Park, locations beyond The Wall and Across the Narrow Sea exist beyond the turmoil of the Seven Kingdoms. It doesn’t mean they’re not important, and sometimes, like the Wildlings in last week’s episode, students from commonwealth campus students come to University Park. Let’s just hope there’s never a war between the two.
My Hero Zero as The Bands at the Red and Purple Weddings
Like these weddings, going to Café on a Friday sounds like a really good idea at the time. Between the $5 cover, few drink specials, and screaming groupies, you might request The Rains of Castamere and hope that someone’s there to put you out of your misery.
Did we miss any? Share them in the comments! Spoilers will be monitored.
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About the Author
After a fundraising year that included no canning and banned events outside of State College, THON 2020 culminated with the announcement that $11,696,942.38 had been raised For The Kids.
Our staffers have strong feelings about State College’s pizza places.
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