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UPUA Finally Ready For Own Elections

The snow may have been coming down, but that didn’t stop UPUA from having a busy and (unfortunately) long evening. With candidate registration starting in a week, UPUA really had to kick it into gear this week in order to get ready for the upcoming election season. Here’s all the crazy stuff that went down last night, starting with the approval of the election commission:

Deputy Director of Information Technology: Dan Tauriello

Tauriello was very upfront with his plans in this position: “I’m just here to maintain the election website, really.” Any changes Tauriello makes will probably be for the better, considering this is what UPUA was working with last year.

Deputy Commissioner of Candidacy: Dave Harrington

As someone who’s been through the election process before, Harrington felt quite confident that he would do well in this position. He also noted that his “belief in democracy” would allow him to be impartial throughout the election.

Deputy Commissioner of Events: Justin Laskowski

Laskowski was also sure that he would do well in this position and be able to stay impartial during election season. He also noted that he wanted to make the “Meet the Candidates” session mandatory for all candidates running.

Deputy Commissioner of Campaigning: TJ Bard

Bard was not present for this meeting, so President Lennartz spoke for him. However, the guy was once UPUA president for crying out loud, so you know he understands the election game better than anyone. If that isn’t enough for you, know that you can always trust a guy who has smanged.

Head Elections Commissioner: John Zang

Corruption. Tampered ballots. Unfair campaigning. All things that I didn’t even know existed within UPUA elections. However, as Head Elections Commissioner, Zang will personally put an end to all of the above with a zero tolerance policy. Seriously, I think Zang would kill a man in the name of fair UPUA elections after listening to his presentation. He’s pretty intense about making this upcoming election free of violations, so he sounds like the right man for the job. Also, this now means the Chief of Staff position is vacant, so look out for a replacement in the coming days.

After the approval of the elections commission, UPUA moved on to the new legislation for this week:

Policy 14-7: Elections Code of 2013

After last week’s proposed election code got shot down, you had to think that Dray Krishnan and company would have a tough time recovering and putting together an improved code in under a week. Against all odds, however, the Internal Development committee worked until two in the morning on Tuesday and put together one hell of an elections code. The new code passed 35-2-0 and is six pages shorter than last year’s code.

Bill 01-07: 2013 Elections Commission Funding

The bill allocated $6500 for the elections commission this year, which is $1000 less than last year’s budget. Not content with saving money, Laskowski added an amendment that would add an additional $1000 to the budget for publicity purposes. If it makes you feel better, $1000 of the now $7500 budget will go towards food, a stage, and a DJ on election night, because it apparently wouldn’t be an election without a crappy DJ and some food.

Tie Wars

Rye Stephens



Dan Tauriello



Winner: Dan Tauriello

This might be the toughest Tie Wars I’ve ever had to do. On one hand, Stephens really brings the class with his yellow tie. However, Tauriello’s green and blue striped tie shows that he takes his UPUA position quite seriously. Where Tauriello gains the advantage is with the knot. Called the Eldredge knot, it brings a new dimension to the tie game that certainly makes it a more appetizing option than the standard full windsor knot. Congratulations to Mr. Tauriello for bringing his ‘A’ game this week!

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About the Author

Greg Schlosser

Greg is a senior majoring in energy engineering at Penn State. He is a big fan of Pittsburgh sports and sandwiches with coleslaw and french fries. You can email him at [email protected] or find him at the Phyrst drunkenly requesting the band to play "One Headlight."

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