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10 Bold Predictions for Penn State in 2014

Welcome to 2014, Penn Staters! With a new year ahead of us, I’ve made a few predictions for what lies in store for Penn State in 2014. Bear with me, for some of these predictions may be quite unbelievable.

1. Students attending the Jay-Z or Kanye West concert will mistake the Illuminati for the Four Diamonds

Jay-Z-Eye-Of-Horus

*Raises hands in air, in shape of a triangle.*

* “Ooooh FOUR DIAMONDS!”*    No. No. No.

2. The BJC will reach maximum capacity during THON weekend.

This seems like the reoccurring pattern every year, so the chances are pretty decent that the Bryce Jordan Center will reach maximum capacity. Luckily this year THON has implemented its digital line system where each person will be given a coded bracelet with a digital number in “line” and wait patiently in the Pegula Ice Arena until his or her number is called. I imagine that once their numbers are called, crowds of people will sprint — or power walk, whatever floats your boat — towards the BJC to avoid the cold.

3. State Patty’s will be shunned by the community, university, and student leaders, but that won’t change much.

Regardless of the safety precautions and undoubtedly closed bar scene, downtown State College will still see an abundance of rowdy students clad in kelly green t-shirts and people who don’t even go here.

4. Penn State will win the Blue and White Game.

There’s nothing like a win-win situation, especially when it comes to cheering on your team which happens to be on either side of the line of scrimmage.

5. Beyoncé will perform at Movin’ On.

You may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

6. It will take approximately 55 days for seniors to empty their bank accounts after Spring Break.

I can also predict that the money they will lose will go to Cafe 210 West. Not entirely sure why. Just an inkling.

7. Aaron Carter will perform in State College once again.

Aaron Carter performed twice in State College in 2013, once at Cafe 21o West to a crowd of mostly feisty girls, and the second just a few months later at Levels Nightclub. He’s definitely due to come back. My guess is that his next performance in State College will be at the Shandygaff on a Wednesday night. For those of you who might not know, that’s Gaffeoke night.

“Hey, that dude knows all the words to ‘How I Beat Shaq!'” people will say.

8. Penn State Football will come up with another hashtag to commemorate the new season.

I don’t have the creative genius to come up with neat hashtags such as #OneTeam or #NextLevel, but I’m going to take a few stabs at next season’s official hashtag:

#NewCoachNewTeam (New things are nice things, for the most part.)

#AnotherLevel (Who knows what’s to come after the next level!)

#WeAre (Have you heard of the phrase ‘We Are…Penn State’? I think it might work well.)

#DominateTheState (This one will probably actually happen.)

9. Grillers will return for a limited time.

Seeing as the establishment once located on Beaver Ave. has repeatedly closed due to health code violations, but has somehow managed to get back on its feet to feed hungry Penn Staters, this may be a pattern teasing us all. Yes, I’m predicting the great rebirth of Grillers. However, I also predict that the establishment will open only for a small frame of time before it is shut down again. The magic that is a one dollar grilled cheese from Grillers may very well become the Shamrock Shake of State College.

10. We will not play in a bowl game.

Sorry. But we will win the Blue & White Game!

About the Author

Yuka Narisako

Yuka legally immigrated to the United States via airplane in 1996 from the small island nation of Japan. Since then she has migrated throughout the country and now identifies herself as a senior majoring in Architectural Engineering. The Shandygaff is her Happy Place, though she was once kicked out of the establishment after breaking her shoe and screaming “I LOVE DAY DRINKING. I’M HAVING FUN.” Yuka is overly enthusiastic about life in general, but especially Ja Rule, Halloween, and the puffy black vest she purchased from the Gap. You can reach her at [email protected], or through Twitter @yukahontass.

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