The Most Bizarre Crimes of Happy Valley
The State College and Penn State police departments have had a lot on their hands.
This week, the Penn State Police responded quickly and effectively to keep University Park students safe after a shooting threat was posted on Yik Yak. Called a prank, the incident no doubt was one of the most nerve-wracking moments for the Penn State community this year.
But the law enforcement in the area has had handled some far less scary crimes and incidents in the last couple of years, too. In fact, some of them are downright comical. We’ve compiled a list of all the seemingly ridiculous reported crimes to which police have responded:
A Missing Spoon
Last year, a giant spoon was stolen from Mamma Mia’s. That’s it. That’s the whole crime.
A Pet Alligator in Boalsburg
This past summer, a five-foot long pet alligator was removed from a Boalsburg residence. Because central Pennsylvania is the perfect location to own a pet alligator.
An Underwear Thief
A man was identified via surveillance video when he allegedly stole women’s underwear from dryers in a Meridian Apartment Complex building. And this is why I can’t trust leaving my laundry unattended.
“Penn State Lives Here” Banner Stolen
Man, I am so jealous of whoever now illegally owns the $1,700 banner which once hung from the side of Sackett Building.
Subway Burglar Helps Himself to a Sandwich
Because a five-dollar footlong was just too much to handle for one individual.
A Fight Over a Sandwich Sends a Man to Mount Nittany Medical Center
Speaking of sandwiches, this man, who was sent to the hospital, allegedly slapped a sandwich out of someone’s hand, causing a fight ending with his face meeting a lightpole. Don’t mess with hungry people’s food.
Woman Throws Sandwich at CATA Bus Driver
Who throws a sandwich at a CATA bus driver? Totally unwarranted. Let’s just ban sandwiches altogether. They’re nothing but trouble, it seems.
Uncle Chen’s Delivery Car Stolen (for a Couple of Blocks)
An Uncle Chen’s Delivery vehicle was allegedly stolen while the driver delivered the food to a customer. After it was reported to police, the car was found just a few blocks away. I think the bigger problem here is that someone must have been drinking and driving.
Karaoke Singers Don’t Pay
Two female fugitives are on the loose for singing at Icy Snow and not paying. Such an awful, heinous crime.
Students Break Into Fraternity House to Steal Natural Light
Three cans of Natty Light were stolen after two students allegedly broke into a locked bedroom door at Kappa Delta Rho fraternity house, causing $370 worth of damage to the house. $370 can buy you many, many cases of Natty at your local beer distributor. Talk about thirsty.
Belligerent Female Sedated After Throwing Sign at McDonalds Manager and Exposing Self
A female student was quite upset after she couldn’t receive any Chicken McNuggets. Facebook commenter Xavier Dofilis Perez described the scene the best:
“Then she went super sayian on the manager and threw a distructo dick. Aka wet floor sign.”
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About the Author
Pat Freiermuth provided all of the offense that the Nittany Lions needed to take down Rutgers in Piscataway.
Parsons made seven tackles and recorded a strip sack in the Nittany Lions’ victory over Rutgers on Saturday.
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