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15 Thoughts Every Freshman Has During English 015

We’ve all been there: At one point or another you’ve sat in a required, introductory-level English class. For many of us, that meant English 015. If you endured 15 weeks of “Rhetoric and Composition,” then you can probably relate and attest to all of the following.

*Walks into class the first week* Professor: Hello class! This week we’re going to be talking about something you might be familiar with: ethos, pathos, and logos!

1. You’ve got to be kidding me.

Does that mean the rest of the week is optional? Definitely means the rest of the week is optional.

***

*Reads first sentence of syllabus* English 015 is “an intensive, rhetorically based experience in reading and writing that will prepare you to understand the communications that surround you and to succeed in your own communication efforts.”

2. I thought this was an English class. Do these people not understand what a run-on sentence is? I mean seriously, I’m not even an English major and I have a basic grasp of what a run-on sentence is.

***

*Continues reading syllabus* “The goal of English 015 is to help you build on what you already know how to do as you become a more confident and resourceful reader and writer.” 

3. If I already know how to do it then what’s the point?

Like, I got an A in Honors English in high school.

***

Professor: Today we’re going to talk about plagiarism. 

4. I knew I should have skipped today.

Seriously, why am I here?

***

*Looks at Penn Statements for the first time*

5. What kind of try-hard would submit anything to Penn Statements?

No essay of mine will ever end up in that.

***

Professor: Class, your first assignment will be to write a journal response on the following prompt.  

6. I’m in college and I basically have to write a diary.

Can you say STUPID?

***

 *Gets first journal assignment back*

7. I haven’t gotten a check on an assignment since elementary school.

Wait, is this what college is seriously like?

***

Weeks 2-14 of the semester. 

8. Get me out of here.

***

Professor: Class, please open your Penn Statements book to page 25. 

9. Seriously, someone explain to me why Penn Statements is a thing.

***

*Hands peer review partner rough draft*

10. Just so you know, I like didn’t try at all and this totally sucks and I wrote it in five minutes.

Let’s just pretend to edit each other’s work so we can get out of here as soon as possible.

***

*Looks at peer review revisions*

11. Why is there so much red pen on this?

What part of “I like didn’t try at all and this totally sucks and I wrote it in five minutes” did they not understand?

***

*Professor assigns fifth and final paper of the semester*

 12. You cannot seriously expect me to bullshit another paper.

***

*Professor hints that submitting to Penn Statements will not only help future students, but also your participation grade*

13. Wait, are you saying we get extra credit for submitting to Penn Statements?

Where do I submit? I probably should have submitted those papers.

***

*Professor quizzes the class on what you learned during the semester*

14. Which one is ethos again?

I mean I guess since it didn’t stick after elementary, middle, and high school, it’s probably never going to at this point.

***

*See people complaining about English 015 after passing it*

15. Stupid freshmen.

Oh shit, we still have to take English 202 and learn ethos, pathos, and logos again.

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