As we move into the final 15 hours of THON, everyone is trying to keep hydrated. We’ve got our THON souvenir tumblers, empty Pepsi cups, and old Aquafina bottles… and they have been sucked dry. We want water, we need it. But to get it, we’ve got to brave the lines.

It has become a time-honored THON tradition: BJC water fountain lines. They block foot traffic in the concourse, and cause even the thirstiest spectators to delay hydration.

“What’s the deal, BJC?” I thought to myself. “Surely, there must be more places for us to quench our thirst!”

As such, I took it upon myself to do some investigative work. I scoured each and every inch of the BJC (just the concourse, actually), finding all the water fountains. Here’s what I can tell you: There are not enough of them.

In my travels, I found six water fountains, each with a bountiful line of its own. Their locations:

• Portal 20
• Portal 26
• Portal 31 (tucked away to the left of the portal)
• Portal 3
• Portal 9
• Portal 13 (tucked away to the left of the portal)

Allow me to perform some arithmetic here: Six water fountains in the BJC. 15,000 spectator capacity in the stands, but let’s say 12,000 to be conservative. We can assume it takes a THON spectator an average of 30 seconds to fill their bottle. If we assume each spectator drinks one bottle of water each hour, and it takes 30 seconds to perform each fill, and there are six fountains… there simply are not enough water fountains available for each person to fill their container in a timely manner. Math.

My recommendation? Get over yourself and your first-world privilege and just drink water from the bathroom sink tap. It’s the same water. Seriously. Sure, it may come out a little warm, and the automatic faucet can be a hassle, but you are worth it. You’re too good to stand in those lines. Alternatively, get a cup o’ ice from one of the trusty concessions stands and allow it to melt in the warm, humid air. After an hour or two: Voila! Water!

Photo: Alex Bauer/Onward State