If Penn State Was A Disney Movie
Sure, Penn State sits in Happy Valley, but how does it compare to “the Happiest Place on Earth”?
Though State College isn’t exactly crawling with fairies, princesses, and talking animals, it’s more similar to a Disney movie than you may think. Here’s how we think classic Disney characters would be represented as our favorite Penn State figures.
Christian Hackenberg as Prince Charming
This strapping young Penn State suitor is more than just the star quarterback! A heartthrob among the Penn State ladies, Hack makes females swoon in the same way Prince Charming does in Cinderella. Hackenberg is a critical character on campus, but the question remains…who is the lucky undergrad with the lost slipper? Er…white Converse high-top?
Sue Paterno as Mary Poppins
Sue Paterno is both professional and fun, just like Mary Poppins. In fact, she showed Onward State her fun side not too long ago. Dance party, anyone?
Mike the Mailman as Geppetto From Pinocchio
Just like the wise, cunning, and whimsical Geppetto in Pinocchio, Mike the Mailman is adored by all. Geppetto has been around the block and has endless stories to tell just as Mike has years of experience and will strike up warm, friendly conversation with anyone. Both men are old, wise, and dependable.
Keith Olbermann as Gaston
Gaston from Beauty and the Beast is a clear antagonist. Just like Gaston caused grief and anger among the townsfolk, Olbermann directed fiery hate towards Penn State. Treat him like any other ignorant foe — ignore his comments and move on with your lovely education and Penn State fairy tale.
The Willard Preacher as Esmerelda
Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame is notorious for street performances and putting on elaborate dances for the city folk. Though not exactly an exotic dancer, the Willard Preacher knows how to engage an audience and grab the attention of passer-bys, just like this sassy Disney princess.
Saquon Barkley as Tarzan
Barkley is brave and nimble, just like Tarzan. He leaps and jumps with great ease, helping bring Penn State to victory. Though not exactly full of wildlife (other than Rutgers fans) or trees, Beaver Stadium is Barkley’s jungle.
President Barron as King Triton
Though we may be above water, we still have land-equivalent of sea-king Triton in President Barron. King Triton controls the sea and protects his people from harm, just as Barron watches out for the best intentions of Penn Staters. Though he may use a pen instead of a fancy Triton, Barron is no less fierce of a leader!
Every Penn State Student During Winter as Elsa
Winters at Penn State are notoriously long and brutal. The snow piles up and temperatures drop low. However, the cold doesn’t stop Penn State students from feeling happy and energetic. Just like Elsa in Frozen, our student body maintains an optimistic attitude. The freezing campus never bothered me anyway!
Old Main as Cinderella’s Castle
We had to save best for last, of course. Old Main is the most cherished building on campus, causing visitors and students to pause to soak in its gorgeous architecture. Cinderella’s Castle certainly adds magic and wonder to Disney, and Old Main does just the same for University Park.
Okay, so Penn State might not be a Disney movie, but we have to say it is a pretty magical place.
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About the Author
All in all, it’s important to remember that there’s really no such thing as bad dancer mail.
We were blown away by your Penn State weddings, complete with shakers, Lion Shrine cakes, and a few Blue Band performances.
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