PSU news by
Penn State's student blog

Topics

About

The Official Suburban Spring Break Drinking Game

Your friends haven’t shut up about Cancun for weeks and you’ve grimaced through the preemptive FOMO like a champ. For whatever reason, you’re headed home this spring break.

There’s no reason you can’t drink like you’re headed somewhere tropical. In fact, hate-scrolling through your Instagram feed full of bikinis and sunshine while bundled up on the couch is the perfect excuse to indulge in some Everclear.

Spring break at home doesn’t have to suck. We won’t lie to you, though, it probably won’t be great. Strive to survive a week of mediocrity with our official drinking game:

  • For every illegible text a friend in paradise sends you, take a drink.
  • When you see a person from high school you no longer associate with but vaguely remember, reminisce on the good old days. Break out whatever you can find in your parents’ liquor cabinet, put it in a water bottle, and replace the dent you made in the liquor with a little faucet water. They’ll never know.
  • If you get an email from a professor reminding you of upcoming assignments, resist the urge to reply “do less” and take a drink.
  • For the upperclassmen: Every time your parents bring up when you’re graduating, whip out some Vlad and drink like you’re a freshman to forget you’re a senior.
  • Snapchats of the beach: If it includes the weather, drink for six seconds. If it includes a drink and feet in the sand, drink for three. Any emojis of the sun? Drink until you can’t feel the cold. What a time for the middle finger emoji to exist.
  • Every time your few hometown friends who also didn’t end up somewhere sunny and 75 this week think they can hang with a Penn Stater, take a shot and prove them wrong. (Disclaimer: Don’t take the shot unless you actually can hang. Not a good look.)
  • Take a shot for every friend you have on a spring break trip (this one’s for the veterans.)
  • If at any time you find yourself bitching about a spring break spent at home, remember you’ll return to the greatest university ever in a short week. Anyway, the ocean isn’t that great — and consider that there’s people who are dying. people dying

Enjoy spring break! And imbibe responsibly, you bunch of drunks.

About the Author

Sara Civian

Sara Civian is one of Onward State's three ridiculously good looking managing editors, a hockey writer at heart, and an Oxford comma Stan. She's a senior majoring in journalism, minoring in history, and living at Bill Pickle's Tap Room. Her favorite pastimes are telling people she's from Boston, watching the Bruins, and meticulously dissecting the My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy album. She's seen Third Eye Blind live 14 times. If you really hate yourself, you can follow her at @SaraCivian or email her at [email protected]

Comments

More by Sara

Penn State Hockey Defenseman Vince Pedrie Signs With New York Rangers

Penn State hockey sophomore defenseman Vince Pedrie will forgo his last two years of college eligibility to sign with the New York Rangers. Pedrie announced his decision via Instagram (what a time to be alive, right?) Monday night.

[Column] Penn State Hockey Became Elite This Season And It’s Just The Beginning

Penn State Ruined College Hockey And It Could Hardly Care

Athletics

North Dakota Interested In Playing Against Penn State Hockey In Nashville

North Dakota is working towards an agreement that will see its hockey team play against Penn State in Nashville during the 2020-21 season.

Former Cal Swimmer Says She Emailed Sandy Barbour About Sexual Harassment Claims

Max Sauve Commits To Penn State Hockey

Penn State Women’s Volleyball Releases 2018 Schedule

Penn State Hoops Alumnus Joonas Suotamo’s Journey To Becoming Chewbacca Featured On ESPN’s ‘E:60’

Student Life

Penn State Love Stories: A Chance Meeting On A Service Trip

When Abby Wilt went on a service trip to Nassau, Bahamas, she had no idea she’d meet the love of her life.

10 Questions With 2019 Class Gift Director Tom Beeby

Career Services To Launch Integrated Career Management & Recruiting Platform

Plans Submitted For New KFC In State College

Developers have submitted preliminary land development plans to build a new KFC restaurant at 1780 S. Atherton St. in State College.

State Theatre Recognized As A State College Historic Site

As it approaches the 80th anniversary of its opening, the State Theatre has been recognized as a State College historic site.

Penn State Love Stories: A Chance Meeting On A Service Trip

When Abby Wilt went on a service trip to Nassau, Bahamas, she had no idea she’d meet the love of her life.

Be the first to know

  • Top posts and the best Penn State stories

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.

10 Questions With 2019 Class Gift Director Tom Beeby

Tom Beeby will serve as the 2019 Class Gift Executive Director.

Send this to a friend