Report: Onward State Commenters Engage In Productive, Respectful Conversation
[Editor’s Note: Due to the sheer ridiculousness of claims this report makes (e.g. people being reasonable on the internet) we cannot fully confirm yet.]
It finally happened.
According to a report by Louis Freeh, Onward State commenters engaged in a productive, respectful conversation about life today. Allegedly, both parties walked away from the interaction feeling refreshed and generally positive about the fate of humanity.
We decided to withhold names in order to keep both parties’ internet street cred intact (come on, we’re not trying to ruin anyone’s life), but you can read an excerpt of the riveting conversation below:
Commenter One: James Franklin is a fraud who is singlehandedly ruining Penn State. He should be fired and publicly shamed. I’m so lonely.
Commenter Two: Hey Commenter One, James Franklin isn’t perfect, but he may end up being alright. Can you give me one reason at all you think he should be publicly shamed?
Here’s where things gets crazy:
Commenter One: No I can’t. Maybe sometimes I’m wrong about things, actually.
Commenter Two: Funny, isn’t it? Sometimes our most passionate online takes are the ones that are the worst.
Commenter One: Well, I can’t argue with that. I am stepping away from my computer with a smile.
Commenter Three: Paternoville*
Nothing gold can stay.