I’m a firm believer in second chances, so when LionPATH released a mobile app yesterday, I logged on accordingly.

I decided to treat the website and the app like separate entities to prevent my disdain for the subpar website seeping into my judgement of the app. I thought maybe, just maybe, the app would be a decent enough escape from the website and I’d never have to navigate a $66 million trip to 2007 again.

It turns out the app pretty much sucks as well — not in a “worst-thing-ever” way, but definitely in a “not-worth-66-million-dollars” way.

Let’s walk through it.

I feel like Will Hunting at the Harvard bar. If I ever meet the creator of this app, I’ll say: “You dropped $66 million on a website and app you could’ve designed on Microsoft 2000 at the public library.” At least that stick figure man and his key will protect my password.

After waiting for an excessively long time after logging on and making dial-up modem noises in my head, the next menu finally appears:

It’s nothing special but it looks functional. I’m not some tech wiz, but I’m confident I could design this and I’m left wondering what was so expensive. Let’s explore tab by tab.

In the “schedule” tab you have the groundbreaking option of viewing your classes on Google maps. I didn’t know what the big red balloons meant, but the handy-dandy LionPATH app tutorial told me those are my classes. Suddenly it all makes sense.

The next tab, “Grades,” shows your cumulative and term GPAs. I won’t show you mine here but thank God there’s finally an easier way to screenshot it and post it on Facebook because everyone cares. It also lists individual courses, and I’m assuming when the semester starts it will show me grades for them. That would be useful if ANGEL wasn’t a thing. Moving on.

The schedule planner is the only redeeming quality of this app. It’s pretty cool that you can schedule classes on your smartphone now and add breaks for whenever you don’t want to have class.

The “Cart” tab is just like the website and its transactional nature and extra step bothers me. Of course I want to enroll in these classes, why would I add them to my cart if I didn’t? The “Financial Aid” feature is expected to be functional later this summer, so for now it just says “No Financial Aid Information Available.”

The “To Do” tab is interesting because you can’t add anything from your phone. At least I feel productive.

It’s like they really get me.

*AIM door closing noise*

I’d be more understanding if a student created this on a small budget. I’m not expecting this to be the Sistine Chapel of mobile apps, but you have to wonder where the money’s going.