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Ken’s Best Wurst Suspends Thursday Service Due To Violent, Drunken Shenanigans

This is why we can’t have nice things, folks.

Ken, the pioneer of the legendary late-night hot dog stand, announced last Friday that he will be suspending service on Thursday nights.

Ken has always been a trooper when it comes to dealing with hungry, drunk college kids, mustard thieves, and even the occasional nincompoop that tries to pay with a driver’s license. But recently things have gotten a bit out of hand. A recent spike in violent fights, arguments about cutting in line, and even a woman being pushed onto the grill have resulted in Ken making the unfortunate executive decision to halt Thursday night service.

Ken provided the following comment on the matter:

There has been a change in the general tenor in town that seems to manifest itself in short tempered aggression and sudden violence. Fights have always been a common thing, but I’ve seen a year’s worth of violence in the first few weeks of the fall semester. Also, there seems to be a steep escalation curve. No slow build up, with the chance to deescalate. Sudden outbursts. I’ve seen at least 5 incidences of “sucker punching” this semester.

I think the abuse of prescription pills mixed with alcohol is a significant factor. I encounter students who are zombie-like and are not able to communicate, comprehend, or control themselves. It’s sad.

Another factor is an attitude of entitlement resulting in disproportionate reactions to any word or deed a person considers a sign of “disrespect.” I never imagined that I would see (allegedly) intelligent people cut the line and then physically attack someone who calls them out on it in the name of being disrespected. Respect is earned, but some in this community have not been taught that.

Most of the problems are on Thursday nights, so I’ll remove myself from that arena. I’m not terribly concerned with my own safety. I’m well equipped and supported. But, as I Tweeted, life is too short to be steeped in negativity, ignorance, and hostility.

The vast majority of my customers are delightful, pleasant, well-mannered, and are an energizing influence. But, it only takes a few mannerless, entitled, hostile jerks to ruin the entire night for everyone.

Ken has made it abundantly clear that until folks learn to class it up, there will be no more Thursday night street meat and sauzeech for the foreseeable future. After all, the man who feeds us, entertains us, and educates and saves us money with the $1 discount word deserves better than this.

About the Author

Alex Bauer

Alex graduated in Spring 2018 with a major in Corporate Innovation and Entrepreneurship. He was a first generation Penn Stater from Cheshire, Connecticut along with his two sisters. His favorite things are dogs, coffee, and dogs that shoot hot jets of coffee out of their mouths. If you are Mad Online™ about something Alex wrote on the internet, you can send him threatening emails at [email protected], or harass him on Snapchat and Instagram @TheAlexBauer.


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