The Best State College Drunk Food Bracket: Round 2
Welcome back to the Onward State “Best State College Drunk Food” Bracket.
You voted, and the first round of the bracket is over. There were a few close contests, but the pretenders were weeded out and the best survived. Now is when the fun begins: the Round of 16.
We’ve set up four categories: Bar Food, Pizza & Wings, Sandwiches & Tacos, and Miscellaneous. Drunk food really runs the gamut here, and for good reason. We tried to pick only places open late, and avoided chains that aren’t within walking distance of downtown. In the Final Four, the Bar food champion will take on the Pizza & Wings champion, and the Sandwiches & Tacos champion will take on the Miscellaneous champion.
Now, let’s break it down.
No. 1 Phyrst Fries (80% over No. 2 Local Whiskey Ernie’s Steaks) vs. No. 2 Cafe Skillet Fries (68.2% over Primanti’s Nachos)
It’s the battle of the bars in this matchup, but one thing is for sure: You can’t go wrong with a healthy drunken dose of french fries.
No. 3 Mad Mex Burritos (69.4% over No. 6 Pickles’ Fried Pickles) vs. No. 4 Champs Nachos (69.9% over Suzie Wong’s Egg Rolls)
Oh boy. These two contenders each won by nearly the same margin, and now they’ll face off in the battle of the purists vs. the realists.
Pizza & Wings
No. 1 Wings Over (82.5% over No. 8 College Pizza) vs. No. 2 D.P. Dough (75.8% over No. 7 Canyon Wings)
This matchup could be the kingmaker of the category, ultimately requiring voters to choose between pizza(ish) and wings. Either one of these joints seems worth of the crown here, and in this case winners are decided by variety. Everyone has a go-to Wings Over flavor or D.P. Dough pick, and it shows.
No. 3 Gumby’s Pokey Stix (89.2% over Zen Wings and Things) vs. No. 5 Canyon Pizza (78.2% over No. 4 Pizza Mia)
Canyon Pizza may have pulled off the upset here, but in hindsight it was perhaps foolish to seed quality (Pizza Mia) over drunken $1 slices. But Canyon just isn’t the same in its new location.
Sandwiches & Tacos
No. 1 Yallah Taco (52.9% over No. 8 Jimmy John’s) vs. No. 2 Are U Hungry (64.1% over Subway)
In one of the closest races of Round 1, Yallah Taco narrowly squeezed it out over Jimmy John’s, which is, frankly, baffling. Voters must now decide whether they prefer fat burritos or fat bitches, and there’s no easy answer.
No. 3 Sheetz (50.7% over No. 6 Taco Bell) vs. No. 5 Bradley’s Cheesesteaks (78.6% over Penn Kebab)
Thanks to all the Wawa loyalists (probably), Sheetz barely managed to squeak out a win over Taco Bell, though I’d like to point out the disparities in late-night crowds at each of these establishments. Taco Bell is fine, but it’s not nearly as packed as Sheetz is almost every weekend night. Sheetz will face off against Bradley’s Cheesesteaks, which seems to be the dark horse in this year’s bracket — often forgotten, one Onward State alumnus recently said Bradley’s is his favorite cheesesteak. And he lives in Philadelphia. You can’t make this stuff up, folks.
No. 1 McDonald’s (73.8% over No. 8 Dunkin’ Donuts) vs. No. 2 Crunchee Munchees (51.4% over Monte Carlo’s)
In a classic battle of East College Ave. vs West College Ave., we humbly present: hella fried foods. Both of these spots are open extra late, and they both have their perks. For McDonald’s, the obvious nuggets, and somehow-better-than-any-other-restaurant-or-fast-food-place Coke. For Crunchee Munchees, please allow me to recommend the churros and fried pickles. Yes, together. No, not both in your mouth at the same time.
No. 3 Insomnia Cookies (79.3% over Doan’s Bones) vs. No. 5 Uncle Chen’s (74.3% over Big Bite Chicken)
When you’re craving something sweet, you can’t go wrong with Insomnia Cookies. BBQ just doesn’t scream drunk food — unless you live in The Graduate right above Doan’s Bones, I suppose. Then again, neither does Chinese in my opinion, but the folks are out here rooting hard for Uncle Chen’s. It’s not every day you’ll see Chinese pitted against cookies.
Keep voting, and remember the words of the original OS Bracket Master Noel Purcell: “You’re doing God’s work.”
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About the Author
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The celebration will culminate in Penn State’s 100th Homecoming football game against Purdue on Saturday, October 5.
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