As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Thus, so too must our series of your best ‘Why I Got Kicked Out Of The Bar Stories.’ It’s been a wild and hilarious ride, and we truly wouldn’t have had it any other way.

For our final segment, we thought it best to provide you with some of the best submitted stories. So without further ado, I give you the third and final installment of ‘Why I Got Kicked Out Of The Bar.’

The Phyrst

“It was my 21st birthday. I couldn’t stop crying because I was so happy and the bouncer asked me to leave.”

That is possibly the sweetest reason to get kicked out of a bar. So. Pure.

Pickles

“So it was a national holiday, 4/20, and I decided to try weed for the first time. I smoked a funny stick before I went out and got lost on the way there. When I finally stumbled across Pickle’s they asked for my ID and my pants fell down after reaching into my pants too hard. They laughed and let me in after I pulled up my white skinnies. I began drinking cranberry and vodkas and spilled on my white pants. This bigger girl came over to me and tried to help me because she had bled through white pants before and had a tide stick with her just in case. She started rubbing the tide stick on my pants and before I knew we were making out. It seemed cool at first but once I realized what I was doing I panicked and threw up on the nice girls face. She screamed and punched me in the face. I was now being thrown out of Pickle’s by a bouncer named ‘Butters.’ I had remembered ‘pickle pressing’ for some reason from South Park and my high brain decided to press my pickle on the glass wall of Pickles. Butters must not have liked my copying his signature move and chased me off of Allen Street. I haven’t been to Pickles since then.”

… 4/20 blaze it, my dude.

Champs

The Phyrst

“Earlier in the day, I went to donate plasma down at Biolife. After donating you are generally supposed to wait four hours to consume alcohol. Not me! I went right into slammin’ beers. Later that day my friends and I decided to hit up the Phyrst happy hour… by 7:30 p.m. I was crushed and got kicked out.”

The Gaff

“It was my 23rd bday (shoutout super seniors). When I woke up the next day, my friends told me I had gotten kicked out. The bouncer’s explanation was because I was ‘giving too many Wet Willy’s.’”

Your 23rd birthday, huh? Some might think you were turning 6 with all of those Wet Willies.

The Den

“After a good night on the town, my friends took me to the Lions Den. The DJ was playing truly awful music. I didn’t like it, so I unplugged the system. That bought me my ticket out the door. ”

Honestly, this seems like a perfectly acceptable reaction.

The Phyrst

“It was my 21st birthday and I had about 3 trashcans after I pregamed. Naturally, I blacked out. My boyfriend (who was my caretaker for the night) told me I faked out one of the bouncers by telling him he had something on this shirt (he didn’t) and then swiping up to hit his nose. The one bouncer thought it was hilarious, the one I fooled, did not. My alter ego is apparently a middle-aged father of 4.”

Well, I mean, who doesn’t love dad jokes?

Rathskeller

“It was December 15 — graduation eve. My brother was ‘visibly intoxicated’ and they asked him to leave. No one in our party of 10 thought he was so we asked for a manager. A big old brawny looking dude comes in and tells all of us to ‘get the f%#% out.’ I responded ‘no wonder why this place is closing down in a month.’ I then got picked up by my shoulders like a toy and physically thrown through the door outside. Then two of my friends and their dad fought the other bartenders on Pugh Street before the cops arrived. I graduated 9 hours later.”

Nothing says it’s a celebration like getting into physical altercations at the bar with all of your family and friends!