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Staff Picks: What’s In Saquon Barkley’s Fanny Pack?

Saquon Barkley held a meet-and-greet event in Atlanta ahead of Super Bowl LIII, and he used it as an opportunity to show off a new wrinkle in his wardrobe.

As you can see, the New York Giants star rocked a fanny pack — one of the most versatile and stylish pieces of clothing a human can wear — for the event. It left us pondering one of the most important questions in Penn State history: What in the world was Saquon Barkley carrying around in his fanny pack?

Steve Schneible: An Ungodly Amount Of Cash

If I were an NFL player, I wouldn’t trust banks or financial advisors with my money. Saquon has demonstrated his penchant for savvy maneuvering, and when the inevitable recession hits, there’s no better way to hurdle fiscal unrest than with a fistful of liquid assets in his trusty fanny pack.

Plus, how else do you think he’d be able to transport all his $100 bills while out on the town?

Will Pegler: Calf Roller

With a fanny pack that big, there’s only one possible explanation to what Saquon is carrying in it: his calf roller. There’s a reason Odell Beckham Jr. calls him “Saquads.” How else do you think the guy keeps his legs so toned? If he ever gets a cramp or just feels a little tight, Barkley needs easy access to his trusty roller. He’s making a fashion statement and keeping his legs in fantastic shape, one fanny pack at a time. Talk about a multi-purpose pack.

Anthony Fiset: The Broken Ankles Of His Opponents

Saquon Barkley’s fanny pack must be overflowing with ankles. The running back has been snatching ankles on the gridiron ever since he could walk, which would make for quite the collection. Every time Saquon jukes someone out of their shoes steps on the field, his fanny pack gets a new pair of ankles.

Steve Connelly: Whatever President Barron Was Hiding

As you may recall, a banner which read “Pres. Barron, what are you hiding? Release the report!” flew over Beaver Stadium before Penn State’s football game against Michigan State in 2018. We still aren’t exactly sure what he’s hiding, but all we know is President Barron trusted his deepest, darkest secret in Saquon’s stylish fanny pack.

Anthony Colucci: Diapers

Dad of the Year Saquon Barkley must be ready for whenever duty calls and either TJ Watt or Jada need to be changed.

Mikey Mandarino: The Joe Paterno Statue

The jig is up, folks. You don’t need to be a master conspiracy theorist to know exactly where the JoePa statue is. Obviously, the only Penn Stater strong enough to carry around the statue is Saquon Barkley, which explains why he casually hauled it around at a meet-and-greet event.

My next question is whether or not Saquon will return the statue to its rightful perch outside Beaver Stadium.

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Staff

Posts from the all-student staff of Onward State.

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