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Things With More Room Than Outdoor Seating At Baby’s

Borough Council passed an agreement this week that granted an outdoor seating license to Baby’s Burgers and Shakes, the 1950s-themed diner on Garner Street best known for putting burgers on glazed doughnuts and single-handedly creating heart disease.

Though spawned from good intentions, the decision has been met with plenty of skepticism from pedestrians — especially given how much of a burden the Pickle’s deck has proved to be on the Allen Street sidewalk.

Plus, how the hell are the jukeboxes going to work outside? (Sidebar: Let’s take this time to remember that we lost the iconic “Absolutely No Stickball Playing” mural with an alligator driving a car and wearing sunglasses last semester, and that we’re still mad.)

We have no idea where patrons will sit outside of Baby’s or why they’d want to stare at construction and breathe in car exhaust while not being able to bump Chuck Berry for only a few quarters in the first place. However, we are certain that space will be at a premium, something Penn Staters have come to know all too well.

Here are a few things that — surprisingly — have more room than the outdoor dining area.

Pat Chambers’ Margin For Error

Sure, Chambers just got his first conference win of the season, so maybe he’ll actually make it to March. That said, he certainly has room for a few more h-worthy moments. We’re not even sure if you’d have room to draw the letter h on your menu while sitting outside of Baby’s without bumping into someone accelerating to run up the hill at the bottom of Garner.

The Whoop On A Friday Night

Every Penn Stater has made the quintessential pilgrimage from East to Fratland, packed into a stinky bus with dozens (hundreds?) of fellow horny and buzzed freshmen. Even on those cramped bus rides where being thrown up on isn’t that unexpected, you’ll probably have more personal space than you would sitting outside of Baby’s, where anyone can swoop in and steal a fry.

Redifer Commons During Sorority Recruitment

Strategically choosing to eat in Pollock to avoid the overflow lines from Off The Ground during rush season is comparable to requesting you sit inside at Baby’s just so you aren’t on the side of the street and can sit in the big, old-fashioned diner booths.

Beaver Stadium Bleachers

Beaver Stadium is the best place in the world to watch a football game, unless you’re sitting down. If that’s the case, then shame on you. You deserve to be miserable, have strangers bumping into you all game, and eat on the side of Garner without being able to listen to Chuck Berry.

Although we’ll be sad to see the end of #107kstrong when the stadium eventually downsizes, it’ll probably be worth a little bit more elbow room, which is something we can’t say you’ll ever have while sitting outside of Baby’s.

The STAT 200 Waiting List

You have a better chance of getting into the classes you want as a freshman than getting any privacy and personal space outside of Baby’s. That’s saying something.

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci is Onward State’s managing editor, a preferred walk-on honors student, and a senior majoring in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected] All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact emeritus Steve Connelly.


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