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Things Weaker Than Jordan Stout’s Right Foot

Penn State football kicker Jordan Stout has done nothing but impress so far this season. From his luscious locks to record for the longest field goal in Penn State history, there’s no doubt that he’s turning heads. The transfer from Virginia Tech has found the perfect home here in Happy Valley while destroying footballs with his cannon of a right leg.

Stout nailed a program-record 57-yard field goal in Penn State’s 17-10 victory against Pitt. The Nittany Lions were down 10-7 after allowing the Panthers to score a touchdown, but Stout’s boomer instantly changed momentum as his kick sailed through the uprights with one second left in the second quarter.

We can all agree that a 57-yard field goal is extremely good, especially for a college kicker. We can also agree that it takes a pretty strong foot to be able to make a kick at that distance. Let’s take a look at things that are most definitely not as strong as Jordan Stout’s foot.

Penn State’s Defensive Line

Sean Spencer’s Wild Dogs are a scary bunch of football players. Yetur Gross-Matos is a star, and players like Shaka Toney, Robert Windsor, and Antonio Shelton have all helped the Nittany Lions bottle up opposing offenses.

Although the unit has tons of talent on paper, it’s struggled to get to the quarterback at times after leading the Big Ten in sacks last year. You know who hasn’t failed to get to the quarterback — and by get to the quarterback, we mean convert 50-yard field goals? Jordan Stout. I rest my case.

Don’t even get us started on what would happen in a Leg Day weight room competition between Stout and the defensive line.

A Miami Beach Pitcher from Cafe

The famous Cafe tea with an extra shot of rum is one of the strongest drinks you can consume here in State College. If your tolerance isn’t great, just one of these can make a relaxing night on the Cafe patio turn into a bit of a mess.

These bad boys are strong, but we all know that the strongest thing in all of Centre County is Stout’s foot.

Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly’s Love

Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly’s love story on The Office is quite simply unmatched in television human history. There will never be a love as strong as the one between the dorky salesman and the red-headed receptionist. Their love lasted through Pam’s engagement, Jim’s girlfriends (Editor’s Note: Karen did nothing wrong), and Jim’s time in Stamford.

However, neither of them can break the Penn State football program record with a 57-yard field goal. Therefore, Stout is stronger.

Infinity Gauntlet

When Thanos wore the Infinity Gauntlet, he snapped his fingers to ultimately cause half of the life in the universe to turn to dust. Well, opposing teams’ chances of changing the momentum of a game with a big return turn to dust whenever Jordan Stout’s beautiful right cleat smashes the football, so we’ll let you decide what’s stronger.

Shakur Rasheed’s Cradle

Penn State wrestling’s Shakur Rasheed has made a name for himself in Happy Valley with his outgoing personality and ability to lock up and pin opponents with his trademark cradle. As strong as Rasheed’s grip is when he catches his opponents, it’s nothing compared to what Jordan Stout’s right leg would do to any Buckeye brazen enough to stand in front of it.

Brad & Chad’s Attraction to White Claw

Everyone knows that all the Brad and Chads out there love themselves a White Claw. There are obviously no laws when you drink Claws, which is probably why these things have swept the nation for the past few months.

All you bros out there may love those precious Claws, but that connection is nowhere near as strong as the connection Jordan Stout makes with a football 15 times a game.

Gamma-Ray Bursts

GRBs are extreme explosions that occur in distant galaxies. A highly-massed star implodes and results in a neutron star or a black hole. A typical burst exerts off as much energy in a few seconds as the Sun will in its lifetime.

That sounds pretty cool, but can a Gamma-Ray Burst send a football 57 yards straight through the uprights? Probably not.

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About the Author

Jarod Kutz

Jarod Kutz is a junior majoring in public relations and minoring in business. Growing up 45 minutes away in Altoona, he knew Penn State was going to be his destination after high school. You can find Jarod watching his favorite sports teams (Boston Red Sox, Boston Celtics, or Indianapolis Colts ~ don't ask him how), eating Chipotle, or scrolling through social media. Follow @kutz53 on Twitter or shoot him an email at [email protected]

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