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Celebrity-Taught Classes Penn State Should Add ASAP

This fall, Matthew McConaughey started his new role as a professor of practice at the University of Texas’ Moody College of Communications, to which students responded with a jubilant, “ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!”

Or, so we assume.

McConaughey’s addition to the UT Austin staff made us think about all of the famous Penn State alumni we would like to see become esteemed professors at our university and the classes they could teach.

Here’s what we came up with.

Saquon Barkley — KINES 405: Leg Day

Can you possibly think of a better GHW than crushing legs with Saquon? This five-credit kinesiology class, however, is not for the faint of heart (or leg). It meets every morning from 6 to 8 a.m., and you will certainly not be able to walk the rest of the day.

But who cares? At the end of the semester, your quads will be bigger than all of your friend’s torsos.

Jack Ham — AG 420: Growing Plants

Linebacker, Penn State alum, and former member of Pittsburgh’s Steel Curtain, Jack Ham has been very vocal about the legalization of medical cannabis in Pennsylvania.

With Governor Tom Wolf and Lieutenant Governor John Fetterman making headway for legalization in the State Senate, it would be great to see Ham return to his alma mater and teach the kids a thing or two about — uhh — botany.

Terry Pegula — FIN 001: How To Be A Frickin’ Billionaire

The namesake of Penn State hockey’s fancy arena and the entire city of Buffalo, Terry Pegula is worth an estimated $4.9 billion. We would love to see him teach a class on accumulating, and then managing, massive amounts of personal wealth.

Plus, wouldn’t it be pretty great to take a class where everyone with an A average and perfect attendance is rewarded a startup investment of $100,000? Just a thought, Terry.

Alyssa Naeher — PSU 1: Saving Your Grade First-Year Seminar

Alyssa Naeher is an absolute brick wall in net for the US Women’s National Team. Most remember her incredible tournament-saving penalty save in the final moments of the semifinal match vs. England, so it’s fitting for her to teach a first-year seminar about how to save your grades in this penalty kick we call college.

Allen Robinson — KINES 12: Patience Is A Virtue

There’s already a kinesiology GHW about meditation and stress management, but it’s time for Penn State to start teaching its students about the value of patience.

Perhaps no one on this planet is more qualified to teach about patience than Robinson, who has had to deal with quarterbacks like Christian Hackenberg, Blake Bortles, and Mitchell Trubisky in his career as a wide receiver. The fact that he hasn’t demanded a trade to the Kansas City Chiefs is admirable, and we can all stand to learn something from this master of zen.

Keegan Michael-Key — PSYCH 102: Inside the Mind of James Franklin

Keegan Michael-Key is the only person more qualified to teach about the inner machinations of James Franklin than James Franklin himself. The hilarious sketch comedian is also an incredible method actor, and his portrayal of Franklin would allow psychology students to analyze the coach first hand. Maybe then, we’d understand his 4th and 5 call and affinity for saying his opponents names over and over.

Anthony “Spice” Adams — COMM 69: The Art of the Meme

Former Penn State defensive linemen Anthony Adams has been a meme factory since retiring from the NFL. He is also the only professor ever who could fill every single seat in Thomas 100 at 8 a.m. for his class on creating the perfect meme. Imagine him greeting the class every morning:

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About the Author

Anthony Fiset

Anthony is a senior *gasp* majoring in Economics and a lifetime Costco Executive Member. If you are an employer, please hire him. Otherwise, direct all complaints to [email protected].

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