Penn State Staircase Superlatives

Some say that college is the stairs of life that allow you to step to new places, but we say that stairs are the life of college, giving us daily exercise and a new perspective.

In a world of forgettable staircases, Penn State has some stairs that can be truly weird, wonderful, hard to climb, or some combination of the three. That’s why we decided to showcase our campus’ slick steps in the first and only installment of Staircase Superlatives:

Most Creative: Random Stairs Outside Of The Visual Arts Building

Though they seem like they lead to a mysterious OPP dungeon outside of the Visual Arts Building, these stairs are actually home to the only non-commissioned graffiti mural on campus — that we know of, at least.

Some stairs take you to new heights, but this staircase will transport you to a vibrant world of color beneath the sidewalk. That is, when its gate isn’t locked shut.

Most Likely To Become Famous: HUB Steps

Surely, you have already seen the HUB steps’ famous doppelgänger in the Disney original movie High School Musical. With a beautiful light-oak finish and all of the same characteristics that make it perfect for a school-wide cafeteria dance number, this staircase is destined for the silver screen.

Best Dressed: Old Main Stairs

There’s only one set of stairs on campus worthy of kissing the soles of President Barron’s shoes everyday: the grand staircase in Old Main’s foyer. These wonderful wooden stairs are guarded by the busts of dead Penn State presidents, as all great pieces of craftsmanship should be.

At the top of the first landing, Abraham Lincoln’s mural gestures at you, as if to say, “Come on up, the stairs are fine.”

If the grand columns and mural don’t convince you that this staircase has drip, take a gander at the fine details of the railing’s metal spindles. It’s truly breathtaking.

Spookiest: HUB Outdoor Staircase To Nowhere

This staircase lives outside of the West HUB entrance by Panda Express. It leads to a pile of leaves, a broken cinderblock, a rusty window vent, and a door that has probably been locked ever since the HUB renovations finished in 2015. Oh, if these stairs could talk.

Most Futuristic: Business Building Stair Stack

We love the Business Building stairs’ spaceship aesthetic with cool grey accents, glass railing supports, and bright under-lights. The only bad thing about theses stairs is that they’re literal stairs and not escalators, which some are calling the stairs of the future.

Most Likely To Be On The Titanic: Stacks Staircase

These stairs in the Pattee stacks seem like they should lead to the hull of the Titanic, but instead, they are their own special kind of disaster. The stairway is so narrow and partitioned by a convenient two-way door, making it nearly impossible to take the stairs without having to worry about running someone over.

The Mt. Everest Award For Being A Bitch To Climb: Hammond Stairwell

For a building that is 10 times as long as it is wide, Hammond’s stairs are exhausting to climb. Somehow, going up one level on these winding, cement stairs is the equivalent of literally climbing a mountain.

Most Likely To Be Referenced In A Led Zeppelin Song: Eastview Terrace Stairs

So this is the stairway to heaven they were talking about?

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About the Author

Anthony Fiset

Anthony is a senior *gasp* majoring in Economics and a lifetime Costco Executive Member. If you are an employer, please hire him. Otherwise, direct all complaints to [email protected].

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