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Your Best State Patty’s Stories

Last week, we asked you for your funny, unbelievable, and embarrassing State Patty’s Day stories, and you certainly delivered. Whether the story was from a decade ago or just this past weekend, State Patty’s has been more than memorable.

We compiled a few of our favorite State Patty’s Day stories below.

Anthony

Anthony, a 2016 graduate, came back to State College in 2017 for his first post-graduation State Patty’s celebration. He explains that he got drunk, of course, and ended up falling in the mud. Later that day, he puked in his friend’s closet and says he “may have pissed in the closet, too.” After getting a solid few hours of nap time in, Anthony woke up and continued to drink.

Though his story sounds fairly grim from a sober perspective, Anthony rated his 2017 State Patty’s Day a “top-five Penn State day ever”.

Ryan

In 2014, Ryan’s senior year and final State Patty’s Day as a student, he and his friends decided they couldn’t leave without a bang. He explains that they “decided to host a baby oil wrestling match in our living room.” Yeah, let that one soak in for a minute.

“We managed to stack our furniture along the walls and corners ‘Tetris’ style,” Ryan said. “We had hardwood floors and needed to figure out a solution to soak up the water. We decided to go all around State College trying to find cardboard boxes to set the foundation of our living room to soak up the water and oil, bought a huge tarp from Target that covered our living room, and finally, a 10-by-6-foot baby pool.”

Clearly, the event was a success. More than 75 people attended!

Janelle

One fateful year, State Patty’s weekend just so happened to fall on the same weekend as Janelle’s 21st birthday. Normally, this would be a fun combination of events, like the whole town was celebrating her birthday and the new ability to legally drink. Surely, a day of bar-hopping and celebrating was ahead of her…or not.

Unfortunately for Janelle, Penn State paid the bars in town to close over State Patty’s weekend, hoping to limit the potential damage from the holiday. While not exactly the crazy, life-changing 21st birthday she had imagined, Janelle’s friends did throw her “a rager of a 21st birthday party” instead.

Rob

While Rob was throwing a great party in his apartment one State Patty’s Day, someone who was not at the party managed to break the building’s elevator. Because this drew the attention of the apartment security team, parties were getting broken up left and right. Rob’s party got broken up fairly early on, so the group decided to get Five Guys before trying their luck again. The party got busted two more times before State College police arrived, and they “did not push our luck after that.”

Crashed or not, the party was one to remember for Rob and his friends.

Brendan

Brendan was leaving an off-campus party and about to call an Uber when his phone battery died. Being very drunk and unaware of which building he had just exited, he set out on a mission for the community phone chargers in the HUB. On his 2-mile walk in the 20-degree weather, Brendan “slipped on ice, cracked several ribs, and got a lovely scar on my ribcage.” Ouch!

He somehow found his way to the HUB and woke up on top of a table at about 4 a.m. with his phone plugged into a charger. Thankfully, Brendan ended up making it back to his apartment safely.

Emily

Emily and her friends thought they were hallucinating this State Patty’s Day weekend when they spotted a gorilla running around campus. They were excited and slightly confused to see him bouncing from party to party while decked out in green.

Anonymous

This person says they never went all out for State Patty’s as a student but wanted to make up for lost time as a returning alum. They shared the long-story-short version of their story in the spirit of sparing us the details, explaining that they and their friends “wound up in a hot tub with five strangers at 2 a.m., absolutely trashed, got chased out of said hot tub by the apartment security guard” and even lost a t-shirt and pair of pants as they ran for it.

We’re honestly not sure if we want the full story or not.

Richard

Apparently, the man who lives above Richard was yelling at strangers through a megaphone for hours on end the Friday into this State Patty’s weekend. Having a good time is all fine and dandy, but maybe screaming for five hours straight into the night isn’t the definition of “cool”.

Richard said it plain and simple: “Fuck that guy for real, man.”

Nicole

Nicole’s story is simple but sweet: “Two years ago, after a great daylong, I woke up on my couch with a chicken nugget on my chest.”

It’s just beautiful, really. A State Patty’s story to dream of.

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About the Author

Megan Dougherty

Megan Dougherty is a sophomore majoring in English from Montgomeryville, Pennsylvania. She loves making music, is slightly addicted to coffee, and can explain the backstory of every Taylor Swift song to you (whether you ask for it or not). Follow her on Twitter @megandoc13 if you enjoy bad jokes and hearing about her niche interests.

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