Dear Outlook,

Thank you for signing me out.

Incredible job reading the room. When I clicked on the Outlook bookmark on my laptop’s home screen, the last thing I wanted was to be able to view my inbox.

When I need to respond to a professor. When I need to check the status of an internship application. When I need to delete the thousands of “Recent Canvas Notifications” messages I received over the past 24 hours.

I really appreciate the delay.

In case my tone wasn’t clear, I’m being sarcastic. I mean none of the kind words I’m sending in your direction, Outlook. You test my patience. You make me angry. You make me question whether life is worth living in the present hellscape.

“Hang on a moment while we sign you out.”

Stop. Immediately.

On what planet would I go to outlook.office.com in order to be forcibly signed out? Why would you even go through the trouble of adding this feature? The only time that I would ever approach you, Outlook, is if I wanted to access my email. In no scenario would that involve signing me out.

In fact, the implication of you signing me out is that I was previously signed in for the entire amount of time that I was away from my email. You had the power, at any point, to involuntarily sign me out. Instead, you waited until I clicked on your website to finally sign me out.

Of all the times that I could have been signed out, the one time you decide to sign me out is literally the only time you shouldn’t.

To make matters worse, when you finish the process and inform me that I am no longer logged in, you blame it on me.

“You signed out of your account.”

No, I didn’t, actually. You did. Without my consent. Despite knowing the only reason I attempted to use your service required me to be signed in. Don’t spit in my face and tell me that it’s raining. I refuse to be the butt of a website’s sick joke.

I would’ve sent this over email, but you logged me out.

Signed,

Sam Fremin