Yeah, that’s right. We’re going to talk about the elephant in the room.

We all have a chosen mode of transportation around University Park. Whether it be walking to west campus or taking the bus, all of us hard-working students have somewhere to be. But, no one is in more of a rush than the individuals on motorized transportation.

You might be asking, “What could that possibly mean?”

I’m talking to those of you who ride a powered scooter, a bike with a motor doing all the work for you, and the other select few that’ll be covered when we rank said transportation devices. Let’s get to discussing, from worst to best, which we prefer to see on a daily basis.

If you feel personally offended by any of these rankings, it probably means I’m right. But, don’t take it to heart! You’re getting to class faster than me.

7. Motorized Scooters

This isn’t a shock to literally anyone. Why are these things so fast? Why are there so many of them? It doesn’t matter. What does matter is how many people a day almost get run over by them. I mean, it’s insane the speed they pick up. If you don’t get out of their way, you’re done for.

I believe I’m ranking this the least enjoyable because I’m envious I don’t have one. I totally get their purpose on this campus, but I’m jealous and angry. To me, this is why motorized scooters are dead last.

6. Motorized Bikes

I’m surprised at myself for not putting this at the very bottom. There is so much I don’t like about a bike powered by an “engine.” Yeah, sounds like a motorcycle, doesn’t it? Instead, we’re talking about a bike, with pedals, moving down the street without actually pedaling. The engines are so noisy and draw so much attention to the driver. The only saving grace is because it’s so fast, it’s forced to be driven exclusively on the road. At least these are kept away from my path.

5. Motorized Skateboards

Pretty similar to the scooter, I feel left out. But this time, I know I can’t ride a skateboard. These ones are interesting to me because of the remote that comes with them. When you see someone zooming past on these, you’re in awe of their balance. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help their ranking.

On the sidewalk or on the road, I don’t like how much they interfere with my brisk walk to class. On a happier note, their speed can be much more controlled than a powered scooter or bike.

4. Regular Bikes

If I made this statement freshman year, I would’ve been extremely heated on this one. But because of the increase in other transportation, I could let it slide. I know this isn’t motorized, but it’s still a well-known mode that we all recognize. Maybe I’ve gotten used to their patterns or they’ve gotten more respectful, but bikers are sticking to their routes. Of course, there’s always the occasional I-almost-got-hit-by-a-bike-and-my-heart-is-in-my-stomach moment, but that doesn’t happen much anymore.

Also, I love the exercise initiative. I can get behind it.

3. One-Wheeled Skateboard

I’m confident in this ranking. You know, they aren’t as common as the bike or the scooter, but I’m so impressed by the people that ride them. There are no handles, just pure balance. I don’t hate them, and I just want to know why the drivers chose that option.

Is it the rush of having nothing supporting you? How did you learn to ride something with one wheel? If you’re out there, please leave a comment because I promise you we all want to know.

2. Unicycle

If you haven’t seen the unicycle on campus, you, by law, aren’t a Penn State student yet. Again, how do you learn to ride something with one wheel that just so happens to go insanely fast? No motor, but I don’t care. This takes second in the lineup because there’s no way I can rank it any lower. It’s cool, fun, adds spice to campus, and leaves everyone completely confused. You have to love it.

1. Spin Bikes

I knew Spin bikes were No. 1 before I even created the rest of the rankings. Here at Onward State, we are huge Spin bike fans. So much so that we are dying to get those free rides back. You’re still exercising, you’re getting a speed boost to wherever you need to go, and there’s a basket for your things. If I could keep one, I would.

The shocks on the bike are terrible, but I can put that fully aside because they’re so convenient and are there for everyone’s needs. Again, there’s always a risk of getting hit by one, but that isn’t the bike’s fault. If you get on a Spin bike, relish that moment. Because of their demand on campus, they absolutely deserve to be first on the list.