Drunk, Sober, High: What-A-Blast Laser Tag

DSH is back, folks.
What-A-Blast Laser Tag, located in McAllister Alley in downtown State College, is the borough’s one and only destination for laser tag. While What-A-Blast is generally a family-friendly atmosphere, our Onward State staffers invaded What-A-Blast to reignite our “Drunk, Sober, High” series.
Roughly a dozen staffers willingly got drunk, high, or remained sober for the showdown of the century and to win bragging rights. After dividing into three teams, grouped by method of intoxication, the gang played two practice rounds followed by three bracket-style games.
Below are their recollections of probably the most random and chaotic game of laser tag in the history of laser tag.
Team Drunk
Drunk 1
After downing a few beers and getting ready to make the journey to What-A-Blast, my night was almost put on hold thanks to a shot of the worst-tasting rum I’ve ever indulged in, courtesy of a Team Sober member. We’re not in Malibu anymore.
As Baby Shark and Matty Fresh songs played on the speakers, there was no doubting just how locked in I was. My laser tag outing started in a pretty dominant fashion, notching second and third-place finishes in the first two rounds.
I was, in fact, playing with so much intensity that I dislodged a pillar that appeared to be holding up the ceiling. Much to my relief, I was informed that the structural stability of the building would not be compromised.
My passionate style of play continued against Team High, as I got into a scuffle with a member, and accidentally knocked another one in the face while rounding a corner. I was putting my body on the line for the team, and I’m glad the scoreboard reflected that.
It all went downhill in the final two games when I was forced to switch vests. I felt the fatigue begin to set in, and I wasn’t feeling the same luck with my new equipment. Regardless, I will look back on this experience with great fondness. I am hungry to get back out there for a rematch and will be sure to rep Team Drunk if a sequel is in store.
Drunk 2
The more drunk I became, the more locked in I felt. Being drunk for this enhanced my ability to perform well. I took to the arena and balled out, finishing in first, first, first, and second place in the four games we played. Although I was far and away the best player on the floor, it would mean nothing if it weren’t for my three unnamed drunk teammates. We convincingly secured the W.
It’s tough to find the balance of being in the zone without being too relaxed, and vice versa. I hit it perfectly, thanks to the alcohol. The vibes were immaculate playing alongside my friends, and I’d do it again.
Drunk 3
Laser tag was an amazing experience, and I am very happy with the results. Although there was an argument about the true winners of the event, it was very clear Team Drunk dominated in every match. The map was great, and I had a wonderful experience in this DSH.
Drunk 4
This was my first time playing laser tag, and I had a blast. I think I sucked, but I know that the drunk team won by a lot, according to my teammates. I had an absolute blast leading high-tech military raids into different sections of the map. I was slide-canceling like I was in a real-life version of Call of Duty (though my ankle was killing me the next day). If you’re ever drunk, sober, or high, I totally recommend swinging by What-A-Blast. They’re open until 3 a.m. daily!
Also, our Onward State staffer DJ was awful. I just needed that out there.
Team Sober
Sober 1
Laser tag, man, what a time. The place was…let’s just say, not the most upscale, but once we suited up, it felt like it was going to be a blast. We kicked things off with a practice round, and I’ll be honest, I was pretty terrible. Definitely needed to shake off some rust. But after that, we regrouped and came in guns blazing (literally). The drunk group was decent, but the high group…not so much. Honestly, laser tag turned out to be a serious workout, and I definitely didn’t expect that!
In the end, though, we definitely took the W — don’t let those drunk folks fool you. Even the high group admitted we were the true champions.
Editor’s note: The drunk team won.
Other editor’s note: I agree with the first editor.
Sober 2
I’m going to start off by saying sober won. Hands down, no competition. However, more importantly, I got the highest score in the final two rounds, so honestly that’s all that matters. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m overly competitive and an obnoxious winner, so I won’t shut up about this. With how competitive all of the guys were going into this, I’m glad I could beat them all for the girls.
Sober 3
Laser tag was one of the best activities I have ever participated in here at Penn State! Each game we played was full of fast-paced, intense action. It was so much fun “hastily walking” around the area, ducking and weaving shots. While running around and shooting your friends is fun, the favorite part of the day was finding out we won after a bit of a botched practice round.
As a team, we developed a strategy to put Sober 2 on a sniper tower in the room while having Sober 5 and Sober 1 camp behind a bar. Sober 4 and I were tasked with roaming and shooting the other team in the back. Our strategy proved to be superior since we were the winning team. I would highly recommend going to play downtown if you haven’t already!
Sober 4
This was a much more fun experience than I expected. When I first signed up for DSH laser tag, my first thought was, “What have I gotten myself into?” It turned out to be a great time. Playing against or watching teams that were either drunk or high made for an entertaining experience. This group of people is great, so any social event with them will be fun in one way or another.
After the first few games, I didn’t expect the sober team to come out on top, but we did. Winning the tournament was just the cherry on top, and I would definitely play again.
Sober 5
Being a part of the sober team for this DSH, I went in thinking we might have the advantage. While I wasn’t necessarily wrong since the sober team definitely won, it was nowhere near easy because everyone was so competitive.
Even though I wasn’t drunk or high, I think I ran into or tripped over more things than anyone else. I was lucky enough not to wear a vest since the sober team had an extra person, I just had the laser gun. Both high and drunk argued this was not fair, but I was getting hit what felt like more than anyone else even though the only target was the gun itself.
At the end of it all, it didn’t matter who won it all, I think everyone had a great time regardless.
Team High
High 1
Playing laser tag high was easily one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
After taking half an edible, smoking a joint, and taking a gross amount of pen rips, I entered that laser tag place pretty baked. Right when we opened those doors, I’m not going to lie, it felt like I was in my grandma’s outdated basement, but I eventually warmed up to it (kind of). The overall setup of the laser tag map was actually pretty sick. They even had cameras everywhere so you can watch who’s playing from the waiting area, which was pretty entertaining
Team High and I got to use this luxury during the first round, passing around the pen and getting ready to lock in. I was on aux and even made a playlist, but I naturally played Baby Shark and other random songs to throw Team Drunk and Team Sober off from the jump. After playing back-to-back rounds, Team High worked together to take over both team’s bases countlessly, but I found that using the DIY sniper towers, moving the curtains back and forth, and just yelling random shit were the best strategies. It literally felt like Fortnite.
Once we were done, I remember there were arguments about who really won, but I honestly don’t remember where we landed. It was probably Team Sober.
I think it’s safe to say that at the end of the day, it wasn’t about winning. It was about the friends we made along the way.
High 2
Regardless of who won, it was a great time. After a quick warmup game, which I got last in, I locked in and started playing out of my mind.
Three straight top-three finishes had me feeling like I was in the military. I’m telling you, I was slide canceling, leaning, and displaying elite accuracy.
My one complaint was that a certain person on the drunk team — you know who you are — found a head glitch and abused it throughout the game. Please show some shame and play the game with more respect.
Overall, I would 100% go back. And we all know who won.
High 3
As someone who was part of the high team, this experience felt like a fever dream. With the weird music and too much running, my team was in for a gritty experience. We learned early that the corner was the best place to set up, and we successfully shot down the drunk and sober teams. The drunk team had zero team chemistry, so taking them down was easy.
I felt like I was in a video game in the best way. 10/10 experience.
High 4
The laser tag experience was so fun. The place was awesome, and the setup was very cool, especially the bar areas where you could hide and be a sniper. As I took more hits before we got there, my head started to wander off, but I felt so relaxed and happy.
During the games, I felt like I was in a movie or a game simulator. I was so focused and energized to help my team beat the other two teams that I ran a lot to eliminate my enemies. However, I got eliminated so many times because I had slow reactions, but all I cared about was the fun.
It was so dark inside the arena and lights were flashing so much that my eyes felt so weird but in a good way. In the end, I had a lot of fun sharing this experience with my friends and would recommend the laser tag place to anyone.
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