I am not a writer. My diploma may say journalism, but that leaves out a very key detail. I am a photojournalism major. I take the pictures. 

I am, however, a talker. Anyone who interacts with me for more than five minutes knows that. I used to be ashamed of it, but I have learned to embrace it. So, consider this one long conversation with me…where I do all the talking.  

This entire column exists because of one phrase: literally nothing matters.  

I’ve heard it said plenty of times, and I’ve said it myself, but it did not hit me as hard as I needed it to until I met Keeley Lamm two years ago. Keeley welcomed me to Onward State at the beginning of my junior year, just after I transferred to Penn State. She has been there for me at every stressful moment since then to remind me literally nothing matters. It’s honestly hard for me to recall a conversation in the last year where she didn’t say those words.  

It’s OK To Make The Wrong Choice 

I can’t emphasize this more: nothing matters enough to hold yourself back. Do the things you want to do without worrying about anyone else.  

Like most high school seniors, I knew I was going to college. The problem was I didn’t really care where. I was rooting for my friends’ college acceptance letters more than I thought about my own. When I was accepted into the Fashion Institute of Technology’s very competitive photography program, I couldn’t find a reason to turn it down. I wasn’t really interested in living in a major city, but the program seemed fun, and New York City could bring me opportunities, so I went. 

After about four months there, I couldn’t stand it. I loved my friends and professors, but I was not meant to be there. Something just didn’t feel right. I saw so many friends from high school go off and love their new lives, and I just could not have felt more alone. I was also missing my involvement with sports, and fashion school does not exactly fuel a love for athletics. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I made the wrong choice. 

I decided to stay for two years and complete my associate’s degree. I am forever grateful to my professors like Brad Farwell and Curtis Willocks for pushing me to be my best, and to the most unique people I’ve ever been lucky enough to call friends: Steph, Kat, Anna Jewel, and so many others.  

I knew people thought I was quitting by leaving FIT, especially to go to a school like Penn State, but guess what? Literally nothing matters. I made the best decision for myself.

I always swore the last place I would go was Penn State. I even forgot to tell my parents that I got accepted to Penn State during my senior year of high school. I really just didn’t care about it. But two years later, I can confidently say transferring here was the best decision of my life.  

I can appreciate my time at FIT so much more now, looking back at all I accomplished because of my experiences there. I am proud of what I did, and it really helped me realize you can learn so much from choices that may not have been right for you. I’m learning to live without regrets. 

The People You Meet When You Stop Caring 

I used to care so much about what people thought about me. I realized that wasn’t attracting the right people. I wasn’t being myself, and if I was, the people around me didn’t support me. It was a hard lesson to learn, but at the end of the day, you attract people with your energy, and now I can say I have the absolute best circle.  

One big takeaway I got from my time at FIT was that it’s OK to be yourself. I met so many people with unique styles and personalities, so it was easy to relax and not be afraid of being myself. I met all of my best friends by being a little weird.

I moved in with strangers each year of college because literally nothing matters. That’s how I met my best friend, Abby. She is my platonic soulmate, but don’t tell her I said that. I consider her messaging me on Facebook to live with her and Maya to be fate.  

I started bugging the girl who looked nice in my French class until she finally talked to me. Now she’s one of my best friends and biggest cheerleaders. Thank you, Hannah, for giving me a chance. Waffle Shop soon? 

I randomly shouted at a stranger because I knew people from his hometown, and that brought me to Michael Siroty. I wouldn’t have pushed myself out of my comfort zone professionally without his support.

I stopped worrying about talking too much and just started talking to new people. I offered to drive two freshmen to a party, so they’d have a safe ride there and back, and somehow that turned into motherhood. That’s how I found my first two children, Ally and Alex. Ally soon added CJ to our little family. This year, I adopted a few more: Lauren, Tessa, and Ella. I could not be prouder to be your mom. 

You truly do meet the most important people in your life by being yourself. So please, for me, just be yourself because literally nothing matters. 

The Long Overdue Thank Yous

Before I sign off, I just want to thank the most important people in my life.  

To my parents, the former history teachers. Thank you for teaching me the most important lessons in life and for having more confidence in me than I ever had in myself. Every accomplishment I’ve had is because of both of you.  

Mom, I don’t think I would have survived New York City and the entire transfer process without you answering your phone or dropping everything to come pick me up when I needed you. 

Dad, I can confidently say going to your alma mater was the best decision I have ever made. Thank you for sharing your love of basketball. I’m starting to see why people tell me I’m just like you.

To my siblings, you are the most inspiring people. Annie, you inspire me to go after what I want to do and what my passions are. You’re an incredible woman, and I strive to be like you every single day (that hurts to admit). David, you are always there to tell me I’m doing great, even when I feel less than. I’m so glad Annie and I gave you the best parts of our personalities to make you who you are.  

To Ian, my grandparents, and everyone else who has helped me throughout my untraditional college journey, thank you for rooting for me constantly. You may not have always understood my goals, but you supported them, nonetheless.  

To the blog, thank you for bringing me my best friends. You all made transferring so much easier and gave me a home. Joining Onward State felt like finding the place I was always meant to be. To all the people I previously mentioned and so many more, thank you, and I love you.  

I may be graduating unemployed and exhausted, but still so happy and grateful.  

And, finally, in case you don’t have a Keeley in your life to remind you, let me. 

Literally nothing matters.