Something otherworldly is happening in Happy Valley.

The Penn State Department of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology announced suspicion of extraterrestrial life in the site behind Osmond Laboratory. The news comes after the area has been closed for nearly two years due to apparent construction.

According to a statement released early Wednesday morning, sensors inside the forensic science department recorded a 6.7-second radio burst from beneath the soil. The phenomenon mirrors signals previously detected by NASA telescopes nearly nine billion light-years away.

While it is unclear what the mysterious bursts could mean, the department speculates that the answer could have come from a long way away.

On March 17, 2026, a meteor soared over the skies of Pennsylvania and Eastern Ohio, creating a booming sound as it shattered in the atmosphere. Forensic science suspects that fragments of the space rock may have landed in State College, perhaps carrying cells of alien life that settled underground.

While the events of mid-March may represent the most likely scenario, conspiracy theorists are questioning why the area has been closed for such an extended period. It seems as if no progress has been made behind the construction barriers, and it’s doubtful that Penn State would want to close off the area of campus that gets the most foot traffic solely for repairs.

The university will send a team of four forensic graduate students to camp in the area and perform a series of experiments and DNA testing. Onward State asked one of the site’s security guard members for comment, but he declined to provide further information.

Onward State will update this story as more information becomes available.

Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools’ Day series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.