“I Gain A Sense of Self-Worth When My Local Team Wins”

To get a fresh perspective on the popular “bro” subculture at Penn State, Onward State has called upon Chad, a self-proclaimed “bro, Fratboy, and Jack Johnson enthusiast” to post his musings on the universe, philosophy, and high culture. Here is the first installment of “Bro Call”.

I can’t believe it. “We” (despite not being a member of the team, I consider myself a part because I am a loyal fan and they are from my local city) have finally won another game! After years of cheering from my living room and telling all of my broskis how “we” could have played better after the game ended, my efforts have finally paid off. My roommate rooted for the other team that we beat. HAHAHA what an idiot! Now I can truly show him that I am a better human being than him by rubbing it into his face that his team did not score as many points as my team. Life sure is good .

Before our crushing victory, I was pondering my existense and if I really meant anything in this world. My girlfriend had just left me, I failed my last class in Business (Not sure what I want to study in Business, just know that I wanna make a lot of $$$$$), and worst of all, I found out that I can’t go to the Phish reunion concert later this year. But when we won our game last night, I was overjoyed. I felt like I had accomplished something great by rooting for the superior team. That’s part of the reason why I associate myself as a member of the team. I am just as happy as they are when we win, if not happier.

I can only hope that our win last night can carry over to the following days and weeks. Perhaps we can even win a championship or two and be considered a “dynasty” or “the next big thing” or “the team to beat”. Then I will truly reach Nirvana (one of my Frat bros told me that Nirvana is not only a band, but the Australian version of Heaven or something. Who knew???). Everyone else on Frat Row will envy me and my superior local sports team. I will finally be able to live out my dream as a professional sports athlete, even though I have no athletic drive or abilities. Wow, what a promising future for me!

Anyways, that’s all I have to say for now. Peace and love, bros.