“I Try To Moderate My Drinking”

Hello again to all of the Brosephs and Brosephinas reading my new column. It’s been a little more than a week since I started writing. Wow! Can you believe it? I sure can’t!

Anyway, today’s Bro Call is about drinking. Pretty sweet, right? I can’t imagine a week without it. But I feel like it is something that should be done in moderation, or else I could become an alcoholic. NOT chill at all. So I’ve devised a system to cut back on drinking to when I absolutely MUST.

Here at Penn State, the weekend really starts on Thursday night (Thirsty Thursday, naturally). I have to celebrate somehow! I mean, that’s the whole reason why I didn’t schedule any classes on Fridays. So if I don’t drink on Thursday nights, my whole schedule will have been in vain. Gotta keep it.

Fridays officially start the weekend everywhere. What better way to commemorate the end of a grueling week of tough classes than with a case of Natty? Can’t get rid of that.

Saturdays are college football days. Can you imagine NOT getting wasted before a Penn State game? Next you’ll be suggesting that I go to Dave Matthews Band concerts sober. Completely preposterous, dude.

Sundays are NFL days. See above paragraph.

It’s tough to picture a dry Monday. With the week just starting, I need some way to remind myself of what’s in store for the following weekend. That really picks me up and gives me the motivation to do my best.

Tuesday is Poker Night at the frat house. You’d have to be a fool not to drink during poker night!

For Wednesday, me and my ‘brothers’ watch Lost together and play a drinking game to go along with it. Any time we’re confused, we take a shot. By the end, we are all wasted, physically and mentally. I wouldn’t trade those Wednesday nights for the world.

So there, I think I’ve managed to cut down my drinking to when I absolutely have to have a little something. I’m gonna have to stop the article now, though. I’m still a little tipsy from Lost. Peace.