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Yes. We Drink at Penn State. Very Well.

binge-drinkingDuhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thank you, Andrew Wible for your enlightening column on March 20th about your spring break spent drinking at NC State and UVA. You would be hard pressed to find a worse column written this year in the Collegian.

Basically, God forbid a school that doesn’t have cheap drink specials. That’s the gist of this piece. Woo Penn State!

Wible talks about the group’s experiences over break as though they were on a mythical saga.

Some would call it spring break, others might say it was simply a road trip, but we viewed it more as a search for the American dream.

My favorite line by far was:

We had heard stories about the wild “Wahoos” at the University of Virginia, and considering Thomas Jefferson, UVA’s founder, knew how to have a good time (just Google Sally Hennings), we set our course for the middle of the Old Dominion.

Did anyone look over this before it went to print? I know I consider a veiled reference to Jefferson’s fornication with slaves to be an apt topic for a newspaper columnist to talk about. Wait. No I don’t.

Is Wible saying it is a “good time” to rape your slaves? I certainly hope not.

To summarize the column, Wible and posse find other college bar scenes lacking, making them appreciate State College that much more… not for the great education they’ve (hopefully) earned here, but for the cheap booze, “even if it is Siberia outside.”

To Mr. Wible (senior-journalism): I hope you have a job, because if I were a newspaper (God forbid), I would read this piece and throw your resume  in the trash right away (Assuming it didn’t smell like vomit from your escapades the night before you sent it; then it would have been in the trash already). Good luck.

Let’s end with a quote:

After three and a half years we’d all become complacent with Penn State. We go out four, five, six, sometimes even seven nights a week and take it for granted, but we’ve got it good in Happy Valley. We’ve got it real good.

Editor’s Note: Onward State has previously written about this strange drinking phenomena here.

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About the Author

Eli Glazier

Eli is a junior majoring in International Politics. He enjoys paninis and books.

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