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Day: April 1, 2010


The rhythm extravaganza that is STOMP graced Eisenhower Auditorium on both Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Compared to all the other forms of art I have seen, I must admit that this was the most avant-garde and MOST AWESOME! Using non-conventional instruments, the performers created complex beats and rhythms, and the entire act left the audience slack jawed and wide eyed.

To observe as performers brought forth rhythm out of nothing was a stunning display of, talent. Using newspapers, coughs, and more, the members of the STOMP team created one of the funniest pieces of the evening. They threw everything into their performance, including the kitchen sink. For the most part, however, they appeared to use brooms as they "cleaned" the stage of Eisenhower using stomps, taps, and beats from the brooms (OPP take note!).

The STOMP members also used a call and response with the audience, which solidified that the people on stage did, in fact, have more rhythm than a mostly sold out Eisenhower Auditorium. The fact that the STOMP performers put on such an incredible show while including the audience made this possibly the best act I have seen at Penn State.

Too bad the guy on my right slept through the whole thing.

Tiger to Speak to Students About ‘Sexting’

Tiger Woods, famous golfer, sports icon, and man whore will be coming to Eisenhower next week to speak to students about the dangers of 'sexting.' As everyone on the planet is aware, Woods was recently involved in a incredibly entertaining scandal, in which it came out that he had a multitude of mistresses and it ended with him attending a sex rehab clinic.

But Woods should know more than anyone that 'sexting' is a dangerous game to play, and that all information transmitted via the internet or cell phone can always be retraced and then shown on ESPN or CNN over and over again until your career is pretty much destroyed.

Penn State officials have said that Woods had made a few unorthodox demands. Find out what they are after the jump.

UPUA to Expand Assembly to Rep Drinkers

The UPUA announced today that they will be forming a new representative body within the Assembly, made up of both on and off-campus students that are known by their friends to be "champion drinkers." The initiative is the latest move by the UPUA to try to control the dangerous drinking habits of Penn State students. Recently, they found that oppression is not the answer, and thus they formed the committee in their attempts to assimilate those of the heavy drinking community into the student government. They will be responsible for representing the drunk mess students that plague the campus and invent drinking holidays.

The drinking culture of the student body has long gone underrepresented in the student government, and newly elected President Christian Ragland feels it's time to give those drunk bastards a voice.

More on this after the jump.

College Ave. Most Beautiful Street in America

The results from an exhaustive CNN study have shown that State College's own College Avenue was deemed "Most Beautiful Street in America".

"It was a tough decision," said Steven Kroznyk, the CNN analyst who conducted the study, "But we've determined that no street in the United States can match State College's pristine beauty."

College Ave., which narrowly beat out several streets in both Detroit and Cleveland, is bringing great pride to the Penn State community. Martha Williamson, a sophomore in civil engineering, said, "It's really a wonderful looking street. I've heard that it's currently undergoing construction, but honestly, I can't even tell!"

More on these accolades after the jump.

2011 Senior Class Gift: Joe Pa The Redeemer

The 2011 Senior Class Gift was announced yesterday by the Senior Class Gift Committee and will feature a gargantuan statue of Joe Paterno overlooking Happy Valley, a la Christ the Redeemer in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. The project will cost roughly $10 million dollars and the committee is asking for only a small donation from students, a mere $1000, or more if possible. The committee is also looking into burning down one of the campus buildings to collect the insurance money to help fund the project. No word yet on which building will be targeted, but the committee said they will give at least five minutes notice before torching the place.

The statue will be made of a combination of different metals and will be placed on the mountainside in a specific position so that at noon on Saturdays, the sun will hit the statue, causing it to gleam brightly. The glare from the statue will be able to be seen from miles away, according to architects. The design also allows for the statue to cast a four-mile-long shadow over town.

More details on this project after the jump.

State College Borough Disbands Greeks

In an astonishing move last night, the State College Borough Council voted 4-3 to declare that no structure bearing Greek letters could be home to more than five unrelated people, effectively eliminating off-campus fraternities at Penn State. The irony of their timing was palpable to the council members, but they did not mean for the policy to be viewed as a joke.

"It was unfeasible to punish all students, so we thought, 'What the hell? We'd just target the worst ones,'" said Peter Morris, a member of the council.

The policy goes into effect on May 15. In a statement, President Graham Spanier said he supported the council's decision and would do his part to mirror the progress on the sorority side by breaking up sorority floor housing in the general interest of the student body. Dr. Spanier hinted at allowing sorority women to stay with him while moves are finalized. He said it wouldn't be creepy because he sleeps with students every year, so "it's cool".

More details after the jump.

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