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Are You a Bear? Campaign Warns of Danger

This week, students have been puzzled by unexplained chalk writings all over campus. The mystery was finally solved today as the typo was corrected. Apparently, a terrible cell phone connection led to the message being distorted, resulting in incredibly vague warnings. The actual goal was to rectify the abysmally low amount of undercover bear awareness.

The warnings have been traced to a group calling itself The Grizzly Truth, who claim that the low awareness of disguised bears leaves students extremely vulnerable. A representative from the group said that, in the midst of a budget crisis, students tend to forget that bears may be hidden among them. The chalk writings inspire self-reflection and make students aware that their loved ones may be bears in disguise.

A recent survivor of an undercover black bear mauling, Gapril Dooles, said this to Onward State:

Sometimes, it is hard to bear the thought of bearly knowing those around you. Everybody says I’m bearanoid or bipolar bear.  We can’t panda to the bear lovers. This danger is unbearable. I think it is bear to say that these predators can be anybear.

If you suspect an incognito bear, The Grizzly Truth advises covering someone slower than you in honey.

About the Author

John Dempsey

John is a Junior majoring in Journalism from Hazleton, PA. He is so awesome that sharks dedicate a week to him.
Likes: Video games, vigilante justice, irony, talking bears, Burt Reynolds, El Chupacabra, coloring books, chainsaws, and Australians.
Dislikes: Zombies, clowns, zombie clowns, turtleneck sweaters, Apple, poor mustache grooming, nuclear winter, Roman architecture, guacamole, robots, LCD TVs, the color yellow, Velcro, ceiling fans, sprinklers, tornadoes, Belgians, squat thrusts, and romantic comedies.

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