When I was younger, Halloween was all about how much candy you would receive, and about finding the scariest costume possible. If you weren’t into being scary, I’m sure you were a cheerleader or a Disney princess five years in a row.

Those days, however, are long gone. Instead of how much candy you get, now it almost seems to be how much chocolate you can have drizzled on you—and who will lick it up. At least that’s what these costumes seem to imply…

Reasons not to dress like a hooch:

1. It’s Cold. It will not be a ‘high of 75 degrees’ kind of weekend. Here are the low temperatures to help you decide what to wear. These are subject to change.
   My suggestion: Cover up. Goosebumps aren’t sexy, nor are chattering teeth and blue lips (unless you’re an Avatar, but that costume-ship has sailed).
2. You’re not fun. This shows a lack of creativity. Do you know how many girls dress up wearing a shirt to reveal their stomach and booty shorts to match? Make your own costume. Here’s a cool idea for you.
   My suggestion: Don’t be boring. No one remembers the girl wearing the slutty costume, unless the guy wakes up to her the next day.
3. It’s expensive. You’re in college. Where are you getting $50 to spend on a bra and panties that you are going to wear once?
   My suggestion: Use your head, ladies. If you refuse to wear a funny or non revealing costume, at least just wear a pair of your own.
4. Are you waiting on the corner for someone? Let’s be real: why do you look like this? Not only was this outfit expensive, but you’re basically waiting for it to be stripped off. As a kid, you were superior if you received the most candy. Now, it’s who can get the most hookups. This is not the appropriate contest for Halloween.
   My suggestion: Try a new contest: who has the most creative costume? Who has the corniest? Who is wearing the funniest costume?
5. Walk of Shame. It’s funny when girls take a walk of shame to begin with, but it’s even funnier when your only option is your slutty Snow White outfit from the night before. When you don’t know the kid that you slept with, don’t expect him to lend you any of his clothes.
   My suggestion: Sleep with someone you know so you can steal his clothes and return them to their rightful owner, or if you don’t know him, just make sure you know where his dresser is in the morning. Free swag!